Recently we went to friends for dinner. I’ve had an injury that means I have been unable to do all the things I now do with my life instead of drinking like exercising, horsemanship and so on. For the first time in a long time the ‘oh it would be nice to have a drink and a cigarette’ feeling came out of nowhere. Now, this is where it gets really important how you talk to yourself in your head.
I trust that this is utter nonsense, I know I would never want to return to a life of drinking and smoking, I know that alcohol is an illusion and has nothing to offer me so I just ignored the thought and feeling and knew it would pass.
I won’t lie, I was surprised that it came (I can’t remember the last time I had such a thought) and was quite a strong feeling and I’m sure it’s because all the things I do to enjoy myself have been off the cards whilst I recover. That said because of the way I think about alcohol it wasn’t a problem. However, if I believed I have a disease and that a relapse could happen at any time and so on I have every faith I would have ended up drinking! That’s why I am so against this approach to getting sober. It keeps us stuck!
If we believe on any level that alcohol has something to offer us then we still have some old brainwashing.
The other thing is that the brainwashing we fell for the first time around is still out there!
We’ve just booked a holiday and it’s all-inclusive. It will be my first sober holiday and I can’t wait! Last time I went on holiday it started with champagne on the plane and I had drinks with breakfast, lunch and dinner the entire week! I was never hideously drunk, just slightly pissed all week.
This holiday I will be up bright and fresh, present in my day, able to do all the sporting activities because I’m now 3 stone lighter and so much fitter than I was and I will be there enjoying the holiday instead of being in a little pissed bubble!
Reading all the all-inclusive blurb I was disappointed to see just how much emphasis is on booze! The fact that there will be Champagne on arrival, complimentary wine in our fridge that will be restocked on a daily basis and then onto the cocktails on offer. Thankfully there are also mocktails and soft drinks!
A friend who I mentioned this to saying ‘you can see how important alcohol is to most people just by reading what is on offer on this holiday’ said: “don’t you want to give yourself a week off from not drinking?”.
I realise that most people will just never get it. I don’t need a week off from not drinking. I love not drinking! It is the greatest gift I have ever given myself!!! I LOVE my life now and I’m so looking forward to my holiday, being sober and present in every moment and enjoying being with my Husband.
The brainwashing is all around. You need to drink to be on holiday, to have fun, to be sexy etc and it’s all utter bollocks. I can well imagine what my holiday would have been like if I was still drinking and I’m so glad I’m not.
I learned a long time ago that breaking free from the shackles of alcohol is a battle that is won, or lost, in the mind. I’ve always maintained that what we think and believe about alcohol and our relationship with it will have a great bearing on our success at getting and staying free and recent events have borne this out.
I’ve been AF for nearly four years now. I rarely think about alcohol and usually, if I do it’s to delight in being free and feeling sorry that other people have to have a drink to enjoy themselves. Of course, there is still the odd time when the idea of a drink just pops into my head. Because I don’t believe I have a ‘disease’ and I don’t believe in ‘relapse’ I swat these thoughts away as just bits of old programming and get on with my life.
This holiday is going to be the holiday of a lifetime in paradise because it really is paradise!
I’m just a bit sad that in our world many people think paradise needs alcohol in it. Alcohol is hell to me!
Have a great Alcohol Free day!
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