It’s still early spring, but so far it has been mostly grey and rainy. This has begun to affect some people emotionally, so I’ve been told, and it has affected me as well. Some days and weeks are more challenging than others and that’s just the way life is. I’ve had some good moments this
I feel that I am slowly adjusting to the reality of the commitment I have made to myself to remain alcohol-free, and I have to say that it feels so right and good. I like myself a lot better. I have never been an out of control, hitting rock-bottom drinker. My friends are a little
I know from many years of experience, the feeling of being out on a Saturday night and then missing out on the next morning because I was too hung over and tired and wallowing in my disappointment and self-loathing and regret. I think there are people who had it a lot worse. I mean, I was never out of control with it, never hit “rock bottom”, but I saw the pattern of addictive behavior and alcoholism probably going back many many generations and at some point decided that it wasn’t worth it.
It becomes a lifestyle choice. I want to be there and fully present for life as much as possible.
There are times in our lives when we are faced with difficult and confusing decisions. We may ask family and friends. They often give us different, even conflicting answers. This makes us more confused. We feel lost. Sometimes, as in the story of the knot, what is required is a clean break. No more endless mentalizing, trying to think it through, back and forth, in and out. Deciding not to drink was one such decision for me. This was what my therapist in New York helped me to see a long time ago.
As I write this now I feel just so and happy and proud for having resisted the cravings of a Saturday night because what’s on the other side of that makes it all worth it. And what was once a garden of earthly delights is now a minefield. I’ve made a commitment to myself to exhchange all that life for a way of living which is more substantive and more meaningful. It’s not always easy, but it is worth it and it is right I strongly believe.