March 6, 2015
I have no idea how to organize this blog thing but I really do need to become active in the sobriety blog community today so I’ll start with a basic post and figure out the details later.
I’m here because about a month ago I decided that although I had not hit the proverbial rock bottom my drinking career needs to end.
I turned 50 in December. I have a great husband, gorgeous children ( 15 and 11) the career of my dreams ( almost) a supportive family, beautiful home, cute dog etc……but
After 30 years of enjoying and trying to control alcohol, I have finally accepted that it actually has control of me. And yes it really does. No DUI, no public humiliation, no liver damage, but I am up to a bottle and a half a night….every night….and now I understand that a blackout simply means that you lose an hour or a half-hour at the end of your day. And that is a REALLY scary thing. When I can’t remember what I had for dinner, what I said to my daughter, husband or son, before I passed out peacefully in bed…and two days ago when I woke up with intense pain on my right side and butt but could not really remember falling on the stairs as I floated up to bed…it was just a kind of vague cloud of “maybe that happened? let’s ask the husband….”
Definitely, time to stop
But why am I blogging and why am I GRATEFUL?
I will start with Grateful
As I said, about a month ago I decided that it was really time to stop. I had a few days off of work and I curled up under the covers and began to read. I felt out of control. I was ashamed and angry with myself and I read and read and read. I started by ordering books from Amazon, then those books, led me to blogs and podcasts which led me to more books. So I have begun the process of educating myself about my disease/addiction/syndrome.
I am SOOOO Grateful to Soberistas, Sober at sixty, Unpickled, my hero Belle at Tired of Thinking about Drinking, Ann Dowsett Johnson who wrote the book “Drink” which I read one day and Gabrielle Glaser who wrote ” Her Best-Kept Secret” which I read the next day
So why am I blogging?
Reading is GREAT but it is passive. I need to write and write and write…..so here I am, let’s see if it works
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It’s never too late.
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