Drinking had become a part of my life, a life that I didn’t want to continue.
I was done with experiencing the effects of alcohol and the shame that accompanied it. I was done with feeling unwell, with the anxiety and the sadness that had become part of my life due to alcohol. I have experienced all of the highs and lows that come with drinking alcohol. There was a time in my life when drinking was my normal. I decided that I didn’t want it to be my normal anymore.
I have lived that life. I can draw on and recall those experiences.
I can mimic in my head every stage- what happens from the anticipation of the first sip of wine to the waking at 3am telling myself this had to stop. I am full to the brim with those experiences. I’d had good times and bad times with alcohol and I was finally ready to start a new experience
If I hadn’t stopped drinking when I did, I would still be asking myself constantly when I would stop drinking. I would be stuck in the sameness.
I desperately wanted to have TWO experiences in my lifetime and this time I had to accept that my experience with alcohol was done.
That I needed to have the SECOND experience of a life not drinking alcohol. On my bad days when my mind and body told me to stay the same, I challenged the thoughts. I told myself I didn’t want my life to stay the same. I wanted a new life. Shaky, very very slow and easy I kept to my commitment.
I truly wanted to experience what my life would be like without alcohol.
To experience waking up feeling okay every day, and to experience what being in control of my life and emotions would feel like.
I wanted to be able to create the life I wanted, and be able to do what I wanted – instead of having to live the life I was living.
I had lived my life with the alcohol experience, during that time I was stuck in a world that I had created. Reliving the same experience over again. I was living in a state of sameness.
Alcohol was stunting my freedom and impacting on my quality of life. It was decreasing opportunities for me to have new experiences in my life. The instant pleasure that alcohol gave me had been nice at times. But it had become an out of control, negative, habitual ritual that was destroying my life and health. So I decided that enough was enough – I was desperate to try something different. What was the point of my life if I lived the rest of it like this? What did I want my life to be?
I had the option to change my path so I took a huge leap of faith and accepted that my time with alcohol was complete. That it was time to move away from it. I told myself that the choice to remove myself from alcohol wasn’t a negative choice – it was done with the knowledge that alcohol had a negative effect on me and my life.
This time I wasn’t having to give up alcohol. This time I was done with it. Day by day I stumbled on. Unsure what I was doing apart from one thing.
The one thing was that I couldn’t drink alcohol.
I clung to my online sober community, I came on every day to check in.
I focused on posts, I reached out and helped others – but most of all I desperately needed daily support myself.
Experiences and memories of the life I had with alcohol I tried to use positively.
When I was with others who were drinking, I realized that I wasn’t missing out. I had been there, done that, been there long enough that it had begun to destroy me. Most of my friends still don’t realise that I had a problem with alcohol because I hid it so well.
In stopping drinking my life opened up. I got my pride back. I was in control again. I became sharper in my thinking and am able to process my emotions better. I had to deal with ‘who I am’ head on. I have an anxious side to me which is why I found alcohol appealing. Not having alcohol around anymore was so very challenging at first – but alcohol hadn’t been my friend after all. It had been the opposite.
I don’t beat myself up anymore because I can’t drink alcohol, because now, I simply don’t want to. I have lived the alcohol experience and have regretted it almost every time. My experience with alcohol is complete.
I have never regretted being finished with that experience and starting a new one. Finding this site can help you change your life.
If you don’t change now – then when?
How do you go Sober? ( more reading in blue titles)
B Be accountable Talk to Us We Understand
A Avoid alcohol like the plague Ideas Here
L Let yourself enjoy regular sober treats Ideas Here
A Allow yourself to cry when needed Ideas Here
N Nourish your body with good food Ideas Here
C Create happy & fun memories Ideas Here
E Enjoy the precious moments in your day Ideas Here
W Work hard to get what you want Ideas Here
O Organise things for less stress Ideas Here
R Realise you can’t control it all Ideas Here
K Keep going & prepare for success Ideas Here
S Sleep enough for body & mind rest Sleep Solutions
If you’re “sober curious” … If you are drinking too much too often and want to stop or take a break…or if you have stopped drinking and are trying to stick to sober! Talk to Us.
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Don’t let the shame of the stigma keep you from saying
“I think I have a problem with drinking”