Today I’m 11 days alcohol-free. My second week sober. Today was a shitty day. We live on a small income and today a biiig unexpected bill came in. This means a bit of a financial crisis for us. I don’t get angry much but today I got so angry and frustrated and upset. It felt like a hit below the belt. And of course this was an excellent opportunity for my Lizardbrain to kick in. And it did. Ferociously, cunning and persistent. It was hard.
But I decided to ride the wave. And I realised it’s not just the craving I have to ride. It’s the emotions that flow underneath it. I desperately wanted to have the feelings of powerlessness and doom to go away. Fast. I mean as soon as I started feeling them I wanted them gone. Instantly.
So, in came The Lizard.
It took about an hour or two for things to calm down in my head and it was unpleasant. But I managed to just let it be there; all of those shitty feelings and upsetness. And afterwards I was really, really tired. But sober.
Fucking sober! BOOM.
I start to understand that for me this will probably be one of the major things to tackle in the weeks and months to come; rolling with my emotions without instantly drowning them in the oily stuff.
Temptation tackled and beaten for now.
I concentrated on all of the things I hated about drinking.
Having to shop in 3 different places to hide the amount of booze I was buying.
Having to hide bottles in the refuse bin because the recycling was full.
Putting alcohol before food or treats for the kids.
Having a mean spirit because I was ashamed and angry.
Not being able to advance in any meaningful way because I was hungover or drunk.
The blame game. It’s not my fault the way life has turned to crap, it’s the world’s fault.
Having to make sure alcohol is available if I go out of an evening. That being my first concern.
Not being sociable because that was just me….wasn’t it….I’m an introvert… right?!
Hearing my Kids say that daddy only laughed when he was drunk.
All of that is in the first and last drink I take.
It helps to remember that.
More From Inside the Boom Community :
You’re Brain can take you either way
Sweet Anticipation : A Busy Resource Post on Dopamine…
If you’re “sober curious” …If you are drinking too much too often and want to stop or take a break…We are an independent, anonymous and private community who share resources, support and talk it through every day. It helps to have a community behind you in a world where alcohol is the only addictive drug that people will question you for NOT using
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