Good Morning All!
So we’ve all commented on how our biggest trigger for drinking is the reward thing…..
I worked so hard today I deserve a glass of wine,
I’m doing so well at not drinking I deserve a glass of wine,
I’m such a great self sacrificing mom I deserve a glass of wine…..etc
Actually you know what?
We are all culturally programmed to think that way.
When we graduate from high school, college, get a job, have a baby….etc….
we are rewarded with champagne.
If we happen to get drunk on those occasions that is totally acceptable because we earned it right?!
When I got back from my recent 3 week work trip to Paris I figured out another trigger .
I come from one of those American families where the most important thing that you can do is work hard.
Work really really hard every day.
Early to bed early to rise and work work work.
So for me, especially when I was in my early 20’s and trying to find my way in the world, shutting down felt almost sinful.
I used to need to occasionally shut the door, draw the curtains and lay on the sofa for a day or two doing nothing but watch stupid things on TV and eat junk food.
I was working with a therapist after my brother’s suicide and I remember that the most difficult thing I ever did was confess to her about my habit of shutting down. I felt soooooo guilty about it and knew that it meant I would never really achieve anything. Kind of like admitting that you pick your nose and hide the boogers.
Years later I remember reading an interview with the GREAT and Glorious icon of my generation JODIE FOSTER and she admitted to doing the same thing. WOW! She said that often between movies she was so spent that she would spend a week or two in her pj’s eating pizza and reading crappy magazines while watching TV..
Work work work….shut down…..work work work.
So when I got back from Paris I was really tired. It was a short flight but there is something about living in a hotel for weeks and being out of your routine that takes some adjustment.
Up until one month ago when I finally stoped drinking FOREVER THANK YOU VERY MUCH, I would have opened a bottle of wine, put my feet up, and SHUT DOWN….but I couldn’t do that this time
So I had to just let myself be tired and a bit disoriented and rest and recover . It WORKED!
Our family had a lovely Easter weekend. We did a bit of work but we also all shut down and relaxed without guilt.
That meant that I did a lot of reading and my husband and kids watched too much TV.
So today we are back to work and back to school and all rested and ready to go.
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