Sober? High on LIFE? Me? How did this happen?
When I was a kid, I romanticized rock and roll, (still do actually). I had heroes that I idolized and I either wanted to meet them, or I wanted to be them. These guys were hard partying maniacs and I loved them.
As I grew older, I adopted their habits. I was always in control but I felt their spirit and energy when I was doing coke in the 80’s, when I was drinking heavily and playing in a band in the 90’s, and when I was smoking bales of pot and drinking in the aughts (now with two kids and a wife). The whole time I was able to function, hold down a good job, and be a loving parent. Believe it or not.
Things started to crack in the 10’s. I divorced my wife, ended up in a shitty suburb, in a shitty town-home, and had my kids every other week. I was never without a beer in hand during their formative, adolescent years. I still loved my idols, but where was I?
Last September, I moved out of my shitty town-home and into my dream home. My daughter went off to college, and my son-even though we were tight and in close contact, was living with my ex full time now. Now begins the next great chapter of my life, I thought.
My drinking and smoking zoomed to a new level. I was depleted all the time. Suicidal ideation started creeping in, and my A-fib felt like an earthquake in my chest. But I still loved my idols, and still got wasted to rock and roll documentaries in my basement.
I quit everything January first 2020 because I was crippled and needed to stop. As I became clearer and more focused, it dawned on me that most of my idols, who created the spiritual blueprint for my life, were clean and sober. Or had reached the end of their lives clean and sober.
Cheers to you, Joe Walsh, Paul Westerberg, David Bowie, Lou Reed, Iggy Pop, Ronnie Wood, Steven Tyler, Joe Perry, Eric Clapton, Ringo, Tom Waits and Alice Cooper! (Keith, I wish you luck on the moderation mate!)
My life has changed. Never do I want to go back to the hopelessness/despair/suicidal ideation/throbbing A-fib/isolation/broken connections/poor health/ anxiety/ insecurity– and on and on and on.
I’m never going back.
When I was an active drinker, I had no goals for my future. I was slowly marching into oblivion, with very bleak prospects for my “Golden Years.” I was mired in daily depression, and at my lowest I wondered: what’s the point? Sometimes I actually hoped for disease and an early death, to make done with it.
When I got sober, the effects were immediate. My depression lifted like a miracle and was replaced by the ecstatic rush of the Pink Cloud. I was high on life skipping and whistling in my head–for about two months. I entered into an obsessive Pink Cloud relationship with a nice woman that crashed and burned because my damaged booze head wasn’t ready for a relationship. I needed more time to accommodate this sobriety thing.
The pink cloud is long gone, as is the relationship, and now I’m in the daily AF grind of work at home, feeding the cats, and being along. AND I’m in sober love (for the first time ever) with a beautiful woman. I’m uncomfortably content, BUT, with a clear head. I’m plotting a possible future as an expat oil painter in Portugal in five years time. I bought a ticket to scout out the country in September.
The AF future is so bright, I have to wear shades!
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“I think I have a problem with drinking”
How do you go Sober? ( more reading in blue titles)
B Be accountable Talk to Us We Understand
A Avoid alcohol like the plague Ideas Here
L Let yourself enjoy regular sober treats Ideas Here
A Allow yourself to cry when needed Ideas Here
N Nourish your body with good food Ideas Here
C Create happy & fun memories Ideas Here
E Enjoy the precious moments in your day Ideas Here
W Work hard to get what you want Ideas Here
O Organise things for less stress Ideas Here
R Realise you can’t control it all Ideas Here
K Keep going & prepare for success Ideas Here
S Sleep enough for body & mind rest Sleep Solutions