Great “sober” Expectations
Expectations cause suffering. Isnt that right Miss Havisham?…
How many times in the past have you built up your expectations of an event, person or experience only to be bitterly disappointed. It sucks right? And yet if we analysis this, we can see that it was the expectation itself that caused us pain and suffering. In other words, we did it to ourselves! (the ‘we did it to ourselves’ part may sound depressing. But really its not. Knowledge is power ! )
We tell ourselves little stories about how things are going to be. We engage in fantasy and projection of our desires onto people, places and things. And as a result we suffer. Because life never really meets our expectations does it?
So, what do we expect to happen when we are sober and how does it affect us?
If we are honest with ourselves, many of us think that through sobriety, all of our problems will be solved. We will float around on pink, glitter clouds and shoot rainbows from our eyes. Pew pew pew. Take that alcohol!!! Pew pew.
Ok im sorry to be the one to burst your pink glitter bubble but…. this wont happen.
Life is still life. With all its messy, sticky, inconvenient responsibility and stress. Your bills will still be waiting for you. Your work, your family, your fears, your insecurities. Your dishes! Yep folks, I’m afraid there are no sober angels who take care of the dishes for you. That one caused me the most suffering.
The realisation that sober doesnt necessarily equal perfect and happy can be a great shock to many people. They spent so much of their life thinking if only they could stop drinking, everything would be wonderful.
This, while understandable can lead to relapse.
So what does change when we remove alcohol from our lives?
The best thing for me was better clarity of thought. That is one thing I never expected. I didn’t expect to feel calmer, more present, more loving, more self-aware. I didn’t expect to feel genuine connection, intense moments of joy and creativity. I never expected to find the little girl that I drowned in alcohol to be sitting patiently waiting for me to pick her up. She never gave up on me.
Knowledge is power, so lets take the power back. Lets stop telling ourselves little stories. Engaging in unrealistic, unattainable fantasies. Lets petition our little madness makers (our brains) to cut the shit with the expectations!
Lets get real! Sobriety is hard but it is so very worth it.
It was the things in sobriety I never expected that made the greatest positive impact on my life! I love sober! And sober loves me !
This post was contributed by Sam Shields
An active member of the BOOM Community Rethink the Drink
BOOM Rethink the Drink and the Boozemusings Community Blog
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