Tag: Humor

I’m not Drinking Today Because …

Question Mark National Punctuation Day

This is national PUNCTUATION DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m a writer and I need to stay alcohol free to be able to write….anything at all worth reading. Unlike Ernest Hemingway, I can tell you without the teensiest reservation that booze did nothing for my craft. Lots of us writerly types struggle with alcohol and other sundry addictions. Creatives

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Top Ten Excuses not to Drink

10. I find that drinking throws off my timing in the high hurdles enough so that I won’t make the Olympic team. 9. I’m pregnant. (Note: This is particularly successful if (1) you are a man, (2) you are a nun, or (3) you are clearly outside childbearing age.) 8. I’m doing a test to

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Top Ten Wonderful Things You'll Miss This Weekend if You Don’t Drink

We propose a list of ten fantastic things you can do this weekend if you don’t drink. 10. Alternating licking salt from some portion of your anatomy (or your date’s) with shots of tequila. 9. Selling large short uncovered contracts on cattle futures. 8. Performing a karaoke to Eminem’s “Loose Yourself”, a song that you

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