I imagine my fear as a huge dragon that takes many different forms. Health scares with my children, relationship problems, death, work stress, my underlying value. The dragon has a different label, but it’s the same. And I am trying now, as a completely sober person, to stare it right in the eyes. I don’t want to let it chase me off. I don’t want to keep running forever or hiding in the forest or looking over my shoulder. I want to be able to stand out on the edge of the canyon and see it all. I want to feel free and strong, not held back by fear.
My deep sadness has been replaced with a spark of joy. My depression is lifting. My anxiety has lessoned to almost being nonexistent. Although some things have not changed, I am changing. I am actually singing with the radio again.
I had to shed the veneer of what I had become and be my own true self again. I had to destroy the person that my old companion BOOZE had helped to create. I had to die to all the weaknesses that I had succumbed to. I had to die to all of the disappointments and regrets that my companion and I had created. I had to die as his partner, so I could live.
I stopped drinking over 3 years ago and just these past few days I’ve been asked a few times for advice. I kept some of my old blog posts and was reading through them to see if any of them might be helpful…..It’s been quite an experience! Reading back through reminded me of what life
I know what lies below
and that which lies beyond.
One step back avoids the fall
and leads me to the winding road
descending to the valley floor.