When we first stop drinking, wouldn’t it have been great if all of the people we like and love could just say…..
FANTASTIC! GO YOU! LET’S FORGET ABOUT SHARING A DRINK AND JUST CELEBRATE BEING TOGETHER !
Those of us who stop drinking find that many of the people we love just don’t get it. They don’t seem to WANT to get it because really accepting that we can’t drink, or that we won’t drink, seems so dramatic.
And they don’t want us to be that person who CAN’T drink, any more than we want ourselves to be that person who CAN’T drink. Most of us find as a result at some point that we feel we’d be more interesting if we drank with everyone else.
How do we go as deep as we did, feel as comfortable as we did, enjoy each other as much as we did … without the drink?
This can be so hard really. People who SHOULD put your well being above all else. People who SHOULD say BRAVO ! GOOD for you! Yeah! You’re not drinking…. Like they would if you quit smoking. Those people often suggest just one drink or just tonight instead. It confronts them on so many levels. It becomes about them. And that’s wrong
If you’ve decided to stop drinking this is about you . You’ve decided that you need to stop drinking and that you’re willing to fight for it. It HAS to come FROM you FOR you.
There is a great post from the blog Tired of Thinking About Drinking, Booze Elevator that is well worth a read if you have decided to stop drinking.
The thing about stepping off the booze elevator is that there seem to be a finite number of chances for some of us. I take the dangerousness of me drinking again very seriously. Even though I’m almost five years sober …. if I step back on that elevator I may not get off again. There is absolutely no guarantee that anyone gets off so I will not drink again no matter how harmless the people who love me think one glass of wine here and there should be for me.
It’s not harmless.
If I went through and told you the evolution of each of my relationships in sobriety this would become an insanely long post so I’ll just say that in the early months, it can be really hard to not drink with the people you love, it can be really hard to figure out how to relate to other people who are drinking without drinking yourself but it does become normal, it does become easy, it does become simply who you are. And think about this for a minute, If someone suggested that you were more fun to hang out with jacked up on speed or calmed down with heroine or sucking on a cigarette… that would be absolutely laughable! Those things will kill you right ? Those things are addictive and deadly.
Stick to what you know you need because there is a person that your friends and family are going to be so grateful to know once they get accustomed to you not drinking with them. A person who’s self-confidant and steady, who never creates drunken drama and is able to quietly walk away from it in the event that they do , a person who can belly laugh from a place of genuine joy and who smiles from a clear generous and loving spirit.
That person is you…. off the booze elevator.
Don’t get back on
I’m not drinking today because life is better in everyway when I allow myself to just be … myself
Trust the process
Join me ?
There are people who like to drink and can drink moderately… I can’t.
There are people who get drunk more often than drink but they are happy to live that way —- I can’t.
Sober works for me.
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