If you’ve never heard of Kristi Coulter, let me introduce you to more than her photo. The blog Off-Dry , which she used to chronicle her sober journey, caught fire when her post entitled “Enjoli“ went viral in a way that inspired and outraged the world. Nothing Good Can Come from This is her recently published debut book, a collection of 52 essays about learning to live life without alcohol, that is sprinkled with Kristi’s signature razor-sharp wit.
Kristi’s writing is special to me. I once had a vivid dream about her. It was one of those complicated story dreams that goes on and on with just a flash of remembrance when you wake up. The kind of dream that always slips away unless you write it down quickly.
In the dream, I was talking to my therapist (I don’t have a therapist) and we had been doing deep intensive work. I was hoping that we were wrapping up and I could stop talking, but I had this sort of hangdog kid feeling—and she was looking at me like this…
Exactly like this picture.
I had just said, “So do you think we’re done?” when she gave me this calm, somewhat ironic, but warm and knowing look.
She didn’t actually say
“What do you think?”
but I heard those words as clearly in my soul as if she had said them out loud —and yes, my therapist was Kristi Coulter, which delighted me on so many levels.
The reason that Kristi showed up as my dream therapist was the way her sobriety blog fortified and anchored my sobriety. Her voice is my all-time favorite for truly understanding and articulating what you need to do to stay sober.
Kristi is the one I turned to in my first years sober for a dose of insight and humor. Her voice felt like the warm smile of a close friend who understood—one of many voices within a growing sober community who helped me discover that a life without alcohol is far from the boring, heavy slog I expected and feared. Kristi’s brand of realism laced with wicked humor made her my therapist. Who else would have shown up in my dream?
This is one of my favorites from Kristi’s blog Off Dry. – You Do Not Have to be Good – It speaks to what everyone feels and no one expects to feel in early sobriety. For me understanding that I did not HAVE to be good, I just had to stay sober, allowed me to learn to LOVE LIFE without alcohol not just endure life without alcohol.
“I’m saying, think about cutting yourselves some slack. Have a cupcake if you want it. Buy two cupcakes and eat only the frosting parts of both of them, which is a thing I have heard some other people do. Go to a movie in the middle of the day. Sleep late. Binge-watch something. Smoke a bunch of cigarettes, if it’s going to make not drinking a little easier.
Goof off. Fuck around.
This is not about being lazy for the rest of your life, or gaining fifty pounds or getting fired or resigning yourself to lung cancer. This is about giving yourself some space to just be sober for a bit until you’ve got some momentum. You’ll know when you’re ready to tackle the next thing–and you’ll be ready in a way that you probably couldn’t even recognize right now, so early on. It’s hard for me to describe what that readiness feels like, except to say that it’s wonderful and solid and when you get there, you may have a sense that you felt like this long ago. Before. Oh, and when the time comes, you get to decide what it means to be good. Personally, I ended up dropping ‘crafting expert’ from the list, but replaced it with ‘ability to have an honest conversation w/a human being.’ So it all balances out.
But until then: You do not have to be good. You just have to be sober. And the rest will come in time. I promise it will. And I’ve never been wrong about anything.”
Don’t be afraid of life without alcohol!
With so many engaging, wise, drop-dead funny voices online today, no one has to feel alone or misunderstood in their choice to stay alcohol-free. I feel empowered, happy, peaceful, and free and so can you!
Thank you to all who have joined me on the road. For leading the way and walking beside me. For letting me turn and reach back to you. Sobriety truly does deliver everything that alcohol falsely promised—and so much more.
In Kristi’s words:
“I got sober. Life got big.”
Top Sobriety Blog Posts to Help You Stop Drinking and Stay Alcohol-Free
Want to Stop Drinking? Blog Away from “Wine o’Clock”
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The Blog OffDry is no longer online but you can find more from Kristi Coulter here in the book that evolved from her blog : Nothing Good Can Come from This: Essays (MCD x FSG, August 2018)
and here as well
How to Not series, The Awl, Fall 2016/Winter 2017:
- How to Not Drink at a Show.
- How to Not Drink at a Wedding
- How to Not Drink at the Office Christmas Party
- How to Not Drink on Thanksgiving
- How to Not Drink on Election Night
- How to Not Drink at the Airport
“Enjoli,” Medium, August 2016.
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