Don't Rewind

So I stopped drinking in March
This year actually
One evening after a bottle of wine for tea
I felt unhappy and no longer “me”

Why was I turning into?
Who knew
If you’re going through this too
Do you still feel like you?

There were lots of questions I started to ask
To find the answers my mind was tasked
Like wasn’t wine with tea okay,
If I don’t have it every day?

I told myself in a stern kind of way
Well yes but you are not
eating that
Come on now you know it’s a fact

And the alcohol use is creeping up
The desire for food has decreased
More meals untouched
As you seek a false peace

You are skipping nutrients
By just having a drink
Wanting stress relief
But alcohol is a health thief!

My inner voice sighed, you’ll find out in time
It won’t be fine
If you don’t do something about it now
Ok, alright but how?

The next morning I felt shocking
A bloated, hungover look I was rocking
I went to work
Felt such a jerk
Was an idiot to my hubby
How can he still love me?

Time for a change, let’s try alcohol free
Do it for 30 days and just see
Ok at 60 days now I’m struggling
But with all the fantastic support from BoozeMusings
I can resist from using
Alcohol to ease my stress
I know
It would leave me in a mess

Feeling I needed more and more
Back to the way I was before
Kneeling alone in distress
Tears falling on my kitchen floor
Don’t want to feel like that
Anymore

At 90 days I want to celebrate
A reward
A wine bottle forms in my mind
But I play it forward
I don’t rewind

I don’t feel like giving away
My hard earned sobriety days
Press onto 100 I’ll see how I feel
Find out the whole deal

This sober state I’m in
Feels good not wrong
I might be starting to win
Hmmmm I think I’ll carry on

174 days now I think
As I sip my AF drink
The cravings come but they always go
That I know

Going to do a full year of not drinking
And lots of thinking
Then just take a step back and see
Just how much more I feel like me
If I still feel as happy
Well alcohol might just disappear
Permanently

This poem was composed by Floss The author of Is Sober Boring and Alcohol use is a Spectrum

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