Creative Recovery

When my daughter was seven years old, and my son was two, I picked up a well-thumbed paperback at a yard sale called Bradshaw On: The Family. I thought Bradshaw’s book was about parenting strategies, but as I began to read, I was surprised to find that it focused more on his theories of the adult child syndrome, co-dependence, and addiction.

Bradshaw’s suggestions on how to raise self-confident, self-aware children, with genuine love and understanding, hit home for me on many levels, but what struck me most was the mirror that he held up to me when talking about his addiction to alcohol.

“ … I believed for years that I could stop drinking anytime. I pointed to my times of abstinence as proof of this. The fact was that I could stop. But what I couldn’t do was stay stopped. “

I had stopped drinking pretty easily during both of my pregnancies, and drank moderately during the year I nursed each child. Although I’d been questioning whether or not I had a drinking problem for years it seemed that if I could pass on the booze for nine pregnant months and then go slow while nursing I was in the clear. Within a few years of the birth of my second child however, I realized that my alcohol issues had not gone away with dry time. My sober pregnant years followed by years of the same old habitual heavy drinking were proving that like Bradshaw “I could stop but couldn’t stay stopped.”

I’ve never been very comfortable with the mass marketing of popular psychology, or self help books with steps, and lists, and charts, but I did think about doing the work sheets and following the program in Bradshaw’s books to kick my addiction. The idea however, that I would have to go back through every painful experience of my childhood and grow up all over again, was overwhelming.

I just couldn’t do it.

So I decided that I could figure out how to cut back on my drinking by myself.I told myself my drinking wasn’t that bad after all. I only drank at night and my relationship with my husband and kids was strong was still strong……..

Eight years after reading Bradshaw’s book I finally got to the point where I knew I had to stop drinking and stay stopped. I still wasn’t interested in work sheets or 12-step programs but thanks to the internet I found my solution through blogging on a site called HelloSundayMorning.

I don’t believe that there is one type of addictive personality but I know that the loss of control all addicts experience does lead to shame. Shame leads to isolation and the solution is community. Sharing our stories and supporting others in the process of recovery is the best way to not only break the addiction but rediscover the value of who we are as individuals.

Mark Lewis’s, Biology of Desire is the book on my bedside table right now. I’m working through it slowly trying to digest his research on neuroplasticity but even without fully understanding the science behind his theories I know from my own experience that they are true.

As he brilliantly puts it

“The facility for viewing one’s life as a narrative may be what’s missing in addiction… Addicts experience something breathtaking when they can stretch their vision of themselves from the immediate present back to the past that shaped them and forward to a future that’s attainable and satisfying… It feels like being the author and advocate of one’s own life. It feels like being real… The many addicts who end up quitting do so uniquely and inventively, through effort and insight. Thus quitting is best seen as further development, not “recovery” from a disease.”

Breaking an addiction is very hard work but if the work is done consciously and creatively the rewards are amazing.

When I knew that my drinking had become dangerous I did not go to an AA meeting or to rehab. I opened a book and turned on my computer. I commited to reading and writing my way sober and it worked for me.

Find what works for you. Alcohol lies. Our culture lies about alcohol. Find your truth.

More Reading From Our Boozemusings Blog :

Finding Empowerment in Demystifying Sober

Finding the Courage to be Vulnerable with an Online Alternative to AA

If you’re “sober curious” … If you are drinking too much too often and want to stop or take a break…or if you have stopped drinking and are trying to stick to sober! Talk to Us.
Start where you are right now
Whether with determination or overwhelming fear
Or everything in between

Tell us your story if you’d like to
And we’ll listen, virtually near
It’s anonymous, a safe space
To say what you need to here

It’s helpful to leave self blame at the door
If its not serving you anymore
From a heavy and maybe weary heart
To a fresh start

You could find out soon
Life could bloom with BOOM

Be proud because you’re taking the first steps
Just do the next right thing
And then the next
ODAAT

You could say it’s like having friends in your pocket
Support on your phone
We’ll be your safety net
You don’t need to do this alone

We are an independent, anonymous and private community who share resources, support and talk it through every day. It helps to have a community behind you in a world where alcohol is the only addictive drug that people will question you for NOT using

You can read more about us Here And join Here

community support 24-7 or sign up and sign in here

Don’t let the shame of the stigma keep you from saying