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Surfing Emotions in Early Sobriety

Early in my sober journey, surfing emotions, new emotions, was something very tough, and a new experience. The old me wasn’t a surfer at all. When a problem came along, I hid under the waves, like when you’re at the beach, and you dive in, and let the wave flow over you.


In early sobriety I was swimming under the waves of emotion, in a state of denial, drowning in self loathing, despair, and loneliness. I felt like I was slowly loosing myself.


I could see from underneath the water, people living their lives on the surface. They seemed content, happy in their own skin. They were chasing dreams, and when they fell down, they got back up, and tried again.

I wanted that.

They could anticipate what was coming. Like surfers they caught the wave, and rode it out.

In early sobriety I was scared of life. I was overwhelmed by the waves of emotions. I was buried deep in my past. There were huge waves that I had to endure if I was ever to come to the surface, to really live.

Faith saved me. FAITH in having something you can’t see, or touch, is what brought me to the surface really. Following the examples of people before me. Having faith in them and learning from their knowledge and surfing skills was really the only way I could hang on, and am still hanging on to my board.

I am standing on a beach right now, board in hand, and I can see some Huge waves coming my way.

Am I scared? Yes 

But am I alone? NO!!

Living my life, under the waves is no life at all.

The new me, wanting to LIVE, and be on the surface. That’s something I NEVER want to give up, Ever.

Because I have learned, that the waves come and go, and living life has its ups and downs, and I can survive what life has waiting for me.

I’m not letting go of my board, because the sweet taste of sobriety is worth the fight to surf those emotions.

Read more from our community on surfing emotions in early sobriety :

Feeling Everything

Staying Sober when Pink Becomes Grey

Feelings are like Lighthouses

The Fuckit Bucket Two Years Later

More by this author :

Drinking vs Sobriety – Perspective from 2 Years Sober

WHERE DREAMS ARE LIVED – THE ROAD FROM FANTASY TO REALITY

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2 responses to “Surfing Emotions in Early Sobriety”

  1. Avatar
    Anonymous

    And i thought of Jesus’s words “take up your cross and follow me” when i read your blog again. Some months after startiing my sober journey, i realised i was taking up my cross and following him.

    And “lose your life, in order to save it”? Exactly what we’re doing. i realised that in year 7, after all the mental fog and despair from childhood trauma washed off me. i chose to see my life as meaningful and remember i’d survived all the abuse and critism…..

    https://openthebible.org/article/lose-your-life-to-save-it/

    Reply
  2. Avatar
    Anonymous

    I’ve never surfed!. What a gift you’ve given yourself! But i have swam, many times. Learning to swim in a pool at Wollisso, 100 kms fromwou Addis Ababa, i held onto the rails, but was suddenly plunged into the deep when the pool bottom sloped steeply downwards. i remember calling out for “help” and bubbles escaping. i thought I would drown. Thank God an adult noticed my distress and pulled me out. i cri ed and ran over to my mother, having a picnic with the rest of the family. Her response made me vow to become a strong swimmer.A

    A month later i was in Lake Langano, at the foot of th Rift Valley, where lions and hyenas used to roam. i slowly set out to swim, until people on the beach were just pinpricks. The water got colder and colder but I made it out! i whooped with joy and made it back after half an hour. My mother couldn’t sniff, or criticise, she’d watch me do it! i was so proud of myself.

    And in 2009, I taught Hanna to swim in Wollisso. Hanna was a student i’d sponsored through university. She became a very good teacher and is now married with 2 kids. Yesssss! And when i quit in 2015? I could do even more and help other addicts, floundering through sobriety! Don’t let anyone EVER put you down, ijstead trust yourself and God to show the way forward. You are worthy, never forget that!

    Reply

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