I am living in a vacation area at the moment and looking at the fantasy and reality of drinking. It seems like everyone here centers their whole existence around alcohol. Watching this newly sober, I’ve noticed some things I wasn’t aware of. Besides the couple hours in the evening when people are getting super loud and really acting out of control, their lives seem pretty much centered on that one event, the event of anticipating the drink and picking up the drink, like some magical moment. And I so relate to this, and it’s hard to watch.
The fantasy and reality of drinking
It’s come to my attention the more days I spend with myself on this sober walk, I realize I built up this fantasy of the life of drinking .
That magic moment is so short-lived. They start their partying, get hammered, and in a couple of hours, it’s over. Off to their spinning bed, or toilet, or sitting on the couch, wishing they never started in the first place. I had this fantasy, when I was a drinker, that the night was when I shined the brightest. I thought I was funny, handsome, and witty. I thought I was invincible, smart, and carefree……In reality, looking from the outside in, I was sloppy, loud, and unfeeling. I did stupid things, took unnecessary dangerous risks, and was very selfish…ugly really.
We tend to think of drinking as THE event. But the reality is we can laugh and unwind without alcohol. Alcohol-free we enjoy the wonderful moments in our lives at a much higher level. Sober we look in the mirror in the morning and still like ourselves.
Being alcohol-free has opened up a whole new world of opportunity for me. A world that I would have never have seen if I was still that witty ( depressed, obnoxious, loud, self-centered) guy with that beer in his hand.
Alcohol is a negative, always.
No matter where you look, physically, mentally, emotionally….
Negative
Looking back at my past alcohol-soaked life, all that alcohol did for me, was negative.
Lost opportunities
Lost relationships
Lost emotional ties
Lost ambition
Lost self-esteem
All lost, all negative
Where’s the positive list for alcohol??
There isn’t one
Facing my problems head-on has been tough at times, but positive, with positive results.
I’ve gained awareness of myself and learned to like myself again …positive
I see opportunities and jump on them, and I’m proud of myself…positive
I’ve healed past wounds with parents….positive
I look in the mirror at a much more fit, happy, self-confident me….positive
I’m there for my children, wife, and friends, with a clear mind, and new boundaries…..positive
I could keep going, making my list of positives!!!
Where’s the positive list for alcohol ????
There isn’t one
Drinking for me was exactly like stepping in quicksand. I started with a few drinks every now and then, and it seemed ok, but slowly I began going down, and before long, I was in the struggle of my life to survive. The more I struggled, with a beer in my hand, the deeper I was sinking into the quicksand. I was about ready to get covered up for good. All drinking did for me was bury who I really was. It stole my peace. Being accountable to myself, accountable for my well-being, doesn’t include alcohol anymore. I don’t want to ever give up that peace I fought so desperately to find!!
The Road to Sober
Fought through the maze
The haze
Counting the days
Days I thought would never end.
Because I thought I was losing a very best friend
There was a time we were very tight.
He was hanging on with all his might.
Even now it’s still quite a fight.
A fight worth fighting.
Because now I see.
A new me
A wonderful me
Standing amongst the debris
A child really
Wanting to grow
To laugh
To play
To run in the snow
I like this new me
He was lost and downtrodden
Booze did its best, he was nearly forgotten
I will give this new me a chance
A chance to dance
To explore
Life is so much more
Who knows what lies in store
I would of never known
What life could of been
If I constantly aways keep giving into him
His future is bleak
Depressing and grim
Enough about that, the future is here
No more waiting in line
Let’s not shed one more tear
Onward and upward is the place to be
Where dreams are lived, just hang on and you’ll see
This life of ours can be so much more.
Let’s spread out our wings.
And learn how to soar
Perspective from 100 days Alcohol-Free
More Reading :
To Drink or Not to Drink – An Alcohol Awareness Dialogue
10 Things I’ve Learned in 100 Days Sober
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