I’ve been reading about Cognitive Dissonance. Simply put it’s when we say or believe one thing, but consciously do something opposite of that. It leads to anxiety, regret, shame, anger, and low self-esteem.
When I was a little girl, we were all in the living room watching the news. Dad said something like “bloody hypocrites”. I asked him, what does hypocrite mean. I’m not sure why but it has always stuck in my memory….”saying one thing but doing another”.
A few years ago I lived in a city that had a significant homeless population. One day I was walking back to my apartment, and there was a young man, probably in his early 30’s, curled up on the sidewalk, crying. I knelt down next to him, to ask him if I could help. His once-handsome face looked up at me with such pain, the depth of his angst so palpable, his eyes so full of heavy pools of tears, and he cried as he spoke and showed me another tooth he had just lost. He pointed to the hole in his mouth where it had been. He cried and cried saying he can’t help it that all his teeth are falling out. And he cried and cried saying he hadn’t spoken to his mother in a year because he couldn’t bear to tell her what he’s done. He was addicted to meth, and knows that he can’t stop. And especially now that he’s so far gone. I tried to comfort him, and I gave him water, and I just prayed and prayed and cried for him as I walked on. I also said to myself “there but for the Grace of God go I”. At that time I was actually thankful that my drug of choice was “just” alcohol. If I’d ever tried meth, I would most likely be in his shoes.
We are addicted to alcohol, not meth. We don’t want to drink. He didn’t want to do meth. Every day when we wake up, every Day 1, or Day 9, or Day 30, we wake up and know we don’t want to drink. Especially those Day 1’s….we say “never again”….”I’m gonna do it this time”…..especially if they are after a heavy binge, and/or a night where we did something we regret, made an ass of ourselves again, etc etc. (That poor young man had worse things to face).
How many times have I done that ~Too many to count. How many years did I say “I know I have a drinking problem”. “I want to quit”. How many Day 1’s did I say to myself “I don’t want to do this any more”. BUT ~ how many times did the Wine Witch roll around and take over, and shove all that out the window? If I’m honest, the number is probably something like 500? (My now “over drinking career” had been decades).
Now ~~ lets talk about what it feels like to FOLLOW THROUGH and Do What We Say We’re Gonna Do (whatever it happens to be)
We gain a sense of Trust ~ Trust in OURSELVES. We follow through with the choice to not drink. We wake up Day 2, and Day 3, and Day 30, and Day 55, and Day 90, having done what we said we were going to do: Not Drink. What happens? Our neurons start to rewire themselves. BUT IT TAKES TIME. We Just have to STICK with it.
I’ll leave you with this:
“One of the most powerful ways we can learn to Trust ourselves, is to see ourself through with Integrity on the decisions we make for ourselves from our place of wisdom and compassion”.
Translation: When we say we don’t want to drink on the morning of our next Day 1, we follow through with that and don’t drink…it’s as simple as that. Rinse, repeat, and before you know it you’ve got a good sober run going.
Buh-Bye Cognitive Dissonance
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The Truth About How Alcohol Damages Your Brain
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