It started out slow, but alcohol’s affects built momentum in my life. Drinking begets drinking … gains force by motion of each glass swallowed, often triggered by a series of events (a.k.a. life).
Definition of momentum
1: a property of a moving body that determines the length of time required to bring it to rest when under the action of a constant force.
2: strength or force gained by motion or by a series of events.
For years I drank a couple times a week, and of course there were binges with massive hangovers, but I was young, it was what indestructible young people do.
Then, life happened. Loss happened. Stress built momentum over the next several years (okay decades) … and drinking gained its own motion, multiplying its force while numbing my brain while drinking. Every glass of poison added up. Every day of drinking added up. Every. Single. Day.
“Momentum born of old habits and destructive behaviors might be momentum, but it’s momentum slammed into reverse.”
All of a sudden that momentum made alcohol too big for me to control.
There was no REST from the constant force of needing alcohol
to calm the anxiety alcohol caused.
Alcohol did not make me happy, but I thought it did.
I felt I deserved to drink, even if it was slowly killing me.
Because …
I’d rather die young and have fun now
than live a boring sober life for even longer.
BUT … enter hope, November 2, 2020. I went my first day alcohol free, and was determined to try it for 3 months. By some MIRACLE, I googled “best sober websites” and found the BOOM Rethink the Drink community. Magic happened. These people were actually excited about sobriety. WHAT? They did not seem boring, preachy, judgy or anything like I imagined sober people to be. They welcomed me, and said things like “me too”, “you can do this”, “it’s freedom”, “we’re with you”, “it gets easier”. They offered amazing information and tips on retraining my brain, treating myself, loving myself, and just NOT drinking.
Brilliant!
With each sober day, I felt stronger and more determined to continue. The momentum was now building for something real, something lasting. I’ve still got a lot of work to do, but am no longer “under the action of a constant force” called alcohol. I finally feel like I’m at rest. Like I’ve got the strength now to do this.
Will you join me, building your sober momentum today?
Alcohol Free is FREEDOM!
Freedom was one of my biggest mental blocks in quitting drinking, because for so long I framed alcohol as providing freedom. Freedom to be myself, freedom to shirk responsibility, freedom to be an adult and make my own decisions for better or for worse. This became especially true after I left my marriage, which roughly correlated with the time I made my super deep dive into AUD ( alcohol -use-disorder) . I was all about feeling independent, being accountable to no one, and living for whatever felt good in the moment. And it worked! For awhile. But pretty soon, the freedom of doing whatever you want in the moment turns into a whole lot of dissatisfaction with the big picture.
Despite the pseudo freedom I tried to convince myself I had when I was drinking, I felt trapped in the same routine day after day. I didn’t get it at all, but people on the other side of this daily drinking thing seemed to really feel like they were free.. ?! So I kept reading, listening to podcasts, and lurking on Boom. And eventually, it clicked!
I don’t expect anything of tomorrow, but today I am most certainly feeling free.
Alcohol Free is Freedom from battling with whether or not to buy alcohol after work each day.
Freedom from deciding whether or not to take a drink in the AM when I wake up with feelings I don’t like.
Freedom from having to figure out if it had been long enough since I was in that particular liquor store, of if I needed to go to a different one today.
Alcohol Free is Freedom from the regret of making the same decision over, and over, and over.
Freedom from hiding bottles and always ensuring the recycling is empty when company comes over.
Freedom from needing to replace my fridge stock so company doesn’t notice there were 12 cans in there yesterday, and only 2 left today.
Freedom from all of the ways I exhaustively planned how to keep my habit up without letting others catch on.
Alcohol Free is Freedom from the shame of needing to drink alone in a group of people where no one else is drinking.. or wanting to drink at times my “drinking buddies” didn’t even want to.
Freedom from wondering how much alcohol is contributing to my health problems.
Freedom from dry mouthed, anxious, 3AM wakeups.
Freedom from the exhaustion of managing addiction. Of the endless cycle of successfully, then unsuccessfully — trying to moderate.
Alcohol Free is Freedom from living ambivalently — from thinking I don’t really care how long this life lasts.
Freedom from thinking that the AV is anything but the deceitful, sadistic, opportunistic bastard it is.
Alcohol Free is FREEDOM!
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