Yesterday I was having lunch with a good friend. She struggles with alcohol by her own admission and she is unhappy. I tried to get her to be my sober buddy when I started this alcohol free stint but she wasn’t ready to dive in. Anyhow, when I saw her yesterday she asked me how my AF journey was going.
I told her, ‘well, all of the things I were hoping would happen did not. Not one of them! I’ve lost no weight, I sure don’t swim any faster in the pool, I’m not more beautiful and I am no more intelligent.’
OK, I didn’t really think that last one would happen when I stopped drinking, but I threw it in there anyway. But I truly did think the first three things would happen when I went alcohol free. And not one of them has happened. In fact, if anything, I am swimming slower this year, and I actually really care about that.
Wait a second, I’m not thinner, more beautiful or more intelligent yet?????? What’s the point of all this!
Well I will tell you what has happened since I stopped drinking (I told my friend this too).
At day 90 days alcohol free I am oh so much calmer. I feel more capable and therefore more confident. I am much less tired, much less overwhelmed. I am less prone to weird food cravings. I eat whatever I want and I have not put on one pound. I don’t have hot flashes all the time. And I feel a strong sense of calm optimism about my future, my career and my relationships in a way that I never have before. (and I got a lot of crazy shit going on in my life, so this is saying something). And truly, I do feel like the real me gets to shine through way more often. And that is gift.
I am an obsessive overachiever, so I will likely keep working on the more beautiful, thinner, more intelligent me. Its just who I am. But I am focused on staying alcohol free. Because that’s where the real reward is.
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