Evolving Sober Perspective

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I recently watched an interview with Kelsey Grammer about a stage production of Man from La Mancha that he was performing in London. I loved the show Fraiser and Kelsey’s character was also my favorite on Cheers. My husband and I used to watch Fraiser religiously but I haven’t really followed the story of Kelsey Grammer the celebrity so although I knew that he had once had issues with alcohol I had no idea where he was with sobriety. In the interview, Kelsey touched on his history of alcohol addiction and what he said really stuck with me for a variety of reasons. 

He said that he had been a rather infamous alcoholic/addict but that now he was fine. He drinks “normally” and enjoys life. From his perspective addiction is a result of unresolved grief and once he had dealt with his unresolved grief the addiction was kicked.

I have learned so much in the last four years of hanging out in an online community of people trying to stop drinking or break their addiction. From my perspective, there is no one reason that people develop addictive behaviors and no one way to resolve addiction.

Except possibly honesty … 

YES that’s it …. absolute unrelenting honesty with yourself. Finding your truth and constantly re-examining it.

Four years ago I would have listened to that interview and thought that Kelsey was in denial, but from my perspective now I know that that would be beyond arrogant. To assume that I could categorize a man I do not even know based on a tendency of some. A tendency that most likely does not apply to him or his addiction or his recovery. He knows himself far better than I. Actually I don’t know him at all! And I refuse to slip into the trap of thinking that I can profile him.

I do not fit into a box that anyone else can define or even begin to understand

I am purely , uniquely ME! and I know that today without question I will not drink because I have learned from my own experience, and from my own examination of my experience, that drinking leads me to trouble and that my life is far more enjoyable and vivid without those fancy wines that I used to enjoy every bit as much as Kelsey’s charcter Fraiser.

If someone tells me that they know they need to stop drinking I will happily support that decision and share resources and my experience but I can never know what they need long term… that is up to each of us to discover as individuals.

I have a strong sense that I need to never drink again and I’ll keep working on making sure I stay sober because I love living fully tuned in all of the time and I hated the way I felt the last few years I drank. 

Lost

weak

ashamed

out of place

I have often felt that people are arrogant and insensitive when they know that I no longer drink yet still question me about whether or not I can handle “just one” now. As if there were a statute of limitations on my need to stay sober. But when I was listening to Kelsey I realized that it would be equally arrogant and insensitive for me to assume that because he was once addicted and became sober, he is now not able to control his drinking as he says that he can.

So Cheers! to those who enjoy drinking and Cheers to those of us who have decided not to drink anymore ! It’s all a matter of perspective and only you can evolve your own .


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