Staying sober No Matter What!

That is the goal for most of us when we stop drinking. Decide, commit, “just do the next right thing” because “the only way out is through”! But what if it genuinely feels like the world is coming to an end.

Today as I watched the Sunday news and reviews, I remembered an epiphany I had a few years ago. I was out walking my dog and enjoying the sunrise and the wildflowers. It was spring and the natural world was full of early morning promise. But there was some troubling news that had been drawing the world’s attention and I was pondering… wondering…if the world were coming to an end would I drink? And I was surprised to find that if I put myself in that situation in my imagination … I would not.

If today were the last day of planet earth I would not drown my sorrows in liquid oblivion. I would not say

What’s the point in sobriety? Tomorrow isn’t coming …

This was quite a surprise to me. Just a couple of years earlier, I had felt like sobriety was a death. The death of my favorite part of me. The death of my spark and creative core. I had felt like stopping drinking was a curse that I had no choice but to accept. But I had decided that the only thing worse than no longer drinking, was continuing to be a closet drunk.

When I was about three weeks sober I read the book Unwasted-My Lush Sobriety by Sacha Scoblic. I found the book terribly funny which was something that I needed at three weeks alcohol-free. I was feeling empty, raw and a little bit unhinged. I needed someone to help me laugh out loud at myself. I was not feeling funny.

Sacha intersperses her auto-biography with a series of hysterically funny drinking dreams. In each dream, she spins a tale more fantastic than the last. In each dream the world is coming to an end and she is FORCED to drink to save humanity.

BRILLIANT! What could be better I thought. A situation where you had absolutely no other choice than to drink for altruistic reasons!

At three weeks sober I was facing the specter of Never Again? REALLY?… I’ll Never Drink Again…and I could totally relate to the need for these drinking fantasies. I wanted the world to be coming to an end so that I could save it by drinking too! 

And even now at almost five years sober, there is a quiet, unobtrusive part of me that would love to get drunk again.

I’d love it 

If I could control it.

I would love it if I could control HOW drunk I got.

And how often.

But the problem is that once I reintroduce the drink I have no control over how drunk, how often or when.

But what if it were the end of the world?

What if it WAS my last night on earth.

… If the World were coming to an end would I spend my last night floating away on a river of numb???????…. one last time??????

HELL NO!

Two reasons.

Reason 1

I’ve learned in these last four and a bit years that I actually prefer to feel rather than not to feel. You numb the good when you numb the bad.

Reason 2

I am the eternal optimist. If I thought the world was coming to an end, if I really believed it, really, I would still hold out hope for tomorrow. And if I drank…

 I’D BE A DRUNK AGAIN… 

NOT going there 🙂

If you’re on day one or 4 or 6 or 2,000 please don’t let go. That sober momentum is precious 

It took me almost two years sober to get to the point where I knew that NOTHING would make me feel the NEED to drink ever again. But I got there and so will you. If you keep moving forward.  

If you need a little more inspiration here is a post that really helped me keep going during that first alcohol-free year.   Sobriety is Like a Little Car

Sometimes, it seems like the world has gone insane and everything is falling apart, but there is always hope. There is always beauty. There is always a good reason to fight through one more obstacle to see what is on the other side .

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