Top Ten Answers for Folks who want to know why You’re not Drinking
10. Because I don’t want to wake up inside a Batman costume made of duct tape.
9. I don’t want to annoy you with my encyclopedic knowledge of political and religious issues.
8. So I can remember where I parked my car.
7. My chauffeur is getting the squad car serviced tonight.
6. Because I really, really like being badgered about why I’m not drinking.
5. I don’t drink on days that end in “Y”.
4 I donated my liver to my sister after her car accident, so now I can’t drink.
3. Because Vodka isn’t the soup du jour.
2. Because I’m not broke and I don’t want to be.
1. Because I want to remember all the fun I’m having.
Top Ten Totally Convincing Reasons Little Voice gave me to Drink
10. Because how can you watch a political candidate debate sober?
9. To cure your hangover.
8. Because how can you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with sober?
7. Because booze (a depressant) will make you [happy|funny|sexy|fun to be with|…]
6. Because a glass of red wine is good for you, so two bottles will be even better.
5. Because the Haggadah tells you to fill your cups four times.
4. Hey! Obama’s beer summit worked, right?
3. Because that sext isn’t going to send itself.
2. Because Hitler didn’t drink. You don’t want to be like him, do you?
1. Because beer is cheaper than gas.
If you’re drinking too much too often Rethink the Drink.
Alcohol is the only drug that people will question you for Not using.
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This top ten list came from a man who I’ll call Ted. My freind Ted is a husband, father, grandfather and hard working professional who is fighting off the” little voice” in his head that loves whiskey. Ted often simply posts top ten lists, that always hit the nail on the head. Sometimes these lists are serious and informative and sometimes very funny, but I know that I would not have gotten through my first alcohol free year with style and a smile if it weren’t for Ted.
When Ted and I parted ways he said that I could publish his posts far and wide on behalf of the Boozemusings Community .
And so I will.
Thank you Ted !