Top Ten Excuses not to Drink

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10. I find that drinking throws off my timing in the high hurdles enough so that I won’t make the Olympic team.

9. I’m pregnant. (Note: This is particularly successful if (1) you are a man, (2) you are a nun, or (3) you are clearly outside childbearing age.)

8. I’m doing a test to see if I like you when I’m sober. (This is for the ones that just won’t drop it.)

7. It’s my chauffeur’s night off.

6. I’ve converted to Islam… infidel!

5. Drinking interferes with my ebola medication.

4. The last time I drank I prank texted a friend that I was going to blow up the White House, and Homeland Security was on my doorstep three minutes later.

3. My fraternity/sorority will kick me out if I drink.

2. My new liver hasn’t arrived yet.

1. The voices in my head are telling me not to drink.


If you’re Drinking too much too often Rethink the Drink.

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This Post was shared to the Boozemusings Community by @Ira from HSM. Thank you Ira for helping me smile through my first couple of sober years. A little bit of humor is always a great idea !