Yesterday, I was feeling rather reflective and somewhat regretful and also wanting to shout from a mountaintop.
I am so much happier and better living sober.
I can’t even fully describe it. It isn’t a pink cloud moment. It is more an awakening – a slow one – but an awaking.
After being out with the “partying” part of the family Tuesday night, I wanted to just shout
“Stop! You all stop! “
“Don’t you understand what you are doing to yourselves?”
“Don’t you realize how dangerous this behavior is?”
Of course, that would be useless and of course they don’t see it. Why would they.
I didn’t see it. I took my first drink at the age of fourteen and didn’t put my last one down until I was fifty four. I didn’t see it.
I did see it, but I denied it.
Then I got to thinking about those forty years.
For forty years, I was a drinker.
Now, during those years, there were circumstances that limited my drinking a lot and kept me from either dying, living on the street or in jail or from fully quitting sooner but I was lucky that I didn’t completely ruin my life.
Still….I look back and I can now see that there were friendships hurt, opportunities lost and some very bad life impacting choices that I made over those years.
It made me sad and regretful..
Did it ruin my life? I don’t know. I can’t say that it did, I have a great life now-“but for the Grace of God go I”. It did ruin parts of my life and parts of my daughter’s life as getting my drug was, at times, more important to me than whatever she needed. That impacted her self esteem.
So I want to shout at my step daughter and others her age
“Just stop !!”.