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Hammer and Fingers
Driving to work this morning, I had a tiny inspiration for a post. Have you ever hit your fingers hard with a hammer? Did it hurt? I would say that it hurts like a SOB. I suddenly start speaking French when I hit my fingers with a hammer. (Not the good words)
So now, I will ask you this: Would you voluntarily smack your fingers with a hammer? My suspicion is that most of you would not… There are always a few masochists that will say yes but let’s ignore them for now. (We love you anyway)
I almost had 3 months alcohol free. Then, I got into some situations and had some wine or spirit. I hated it. Not just the feeling after, not even the guilt or the feeling of failure. I did not feel any of those. I just did not like the taste and the instant fogginess. I still did it 3 times. I did not drink by accident. It was self-inflicted. I am OK with it because I learned something. I don’t like to hit my fingers with a hammer and that is how that felt. It felt like I “accidently” hit myself but on purpose. It is hard to explain but what I got out of it is that, like with a hammer, I need to have a better handle on the triggers I experienced that lead me to drink.
I will still have the triggers, but I must make sure I remember how to deal with them, so they don’t lead me to the bottle again. I can’t avoid certain situations like I can’t avoid using a hammer ( I am handy and handsy). But I must learn to use the tool or specifically manage the situation better when I must be in those predicaments.
I know more than ever how much I don’t like the booze effect. I don’t frakking like the taste. I was seriously reminded of that. I used to think I did but I don’t. Taste like sour grapes soaked in vinegar and then strained in a pretty bottle.
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