It’s still early spring, but so far it has been mostly grey and rainy. This has begun to affect some people emotionally, so I’ve been told, and it has affected me as well. Some days and weeks are more challenging than others and that’s just the way life is. I’ve had some good moments this week, but lately it seems more difficult ones, or what I now call lessons because I prefer to see these difficulties as opportunities for growth. As Ram Dass calls it “grist for the mill”.
I think the weather, combined with what I perceived as a betrayal by someone I trusted triggered some strong emotions of anger and disappointment, hurt, that I’ve been tending to the past couple of days. In the past, I would do whatever was necessary to run away from these emotions, but now in these moments, I make an effort to stay connected and “be with”. One way I do this is to keep doing my practice. For me, meditation is an important part of that. Yesterday I sat with one of Tara Brach’s guided RAIN meditations for difficult emotions. That helped me a lot.
RAIN stands for
In the evening I went to meet friends. Saturday nights are not easy for me. But I feel that it’s very important to have these fun times for ourselves within our set parameters and to learn to and get comfortable with socializing and being out with friends who love us (and whom we love) and around people and not isolate ourselves. Many years ago when I was still living in New York I stopped drinking for quite a long time but I also stopped socializing. It was around this time that I created this painting I’ve presented here today.
I was ok, but I also felt lonely and alienated. One way for me to nurture myself is to be with friends. This, I have finally accepted, is necessary. I have always been sort of a loner and self-resourceful and have spent long periods of time alone. But we are social animals and in the end not so independent. We need each other. I admit it.
Before going to meet them I asked myself, “What is it you are seeking from this experience?” I didn’t have to think long about it because I already knew. It was and is
Simply that. To be in the company of friends. It’s not even important what we do or don’t talk about. It’s just to be there and present and in that love. Here we are dear friends, brothers, sisters, I am here for you now and you are here for me. Let’s just enjoy this moment. Everything else, what we do or don’t talk about, what we do or don’t drink or smoke or eat is just extra and really beside the point. When I’m connected to myself I don’t really care what I have, a water, an infusion, nothing, I can just sit at the table and be really comfortable with that. It’s all just an attempt to increase our sense of belonging and to get closer to each other for a little while before we return home to ourselves again. And as I have found, the more we nurture ourselves in healthy ways, the more home becomes a place we want to come back to.
Will you join me in remaining AF?
This post was written by Robert
Find more of Robert’s writing on the Boozemusings Blog
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