Nine years ago, I was in a dark place. I was unable to feel fully alive without drinking routinely, yet worried that I was losing my life to alcohol. I’d always understood that the only way out of that predicament was to accept that I was an alcoholic, head to Alcoholics Anonymous, and start working the 12 steps. But I resisted that solution for many reasons.
Luckily I found an online community that offered an alternative for people who wanted to change their relationship to alcohol. I found that community on March 6, 2015, and have been proudly and happily living alcohol-free ever since.
The point with that community and the one I later created, is not that we consider ourselves to be alcoholics but that we are people who have found that alcohol became the problem, rather than the solution, in our lives. Our private posts and conversations cover the ins and outs of living life alcohol-free without needing to debate the correctness of any particular approach to getting or staying sober. Together we are changing the face of sobriety by allowing people to drop the stigma of alcoholism and focus on celebrating living free.
You can read more about us here :
Online Community Support to Stop Drinking – BOOM!
What if You Only Get One Chance?
The words that follow are the story of how and why I stopped drinking without AA, written by me in that private online community back in 2015. If you are tired of drinking too much, too often come check us out. You can read more from our members here. Online Community Support to Stop Drinking – BOOM!
How I Stopped Drinking Without AA – Reflections from 2 years sober
I’ve never been very good at following the rules. I don’t actually intend to be rebellious I just always seem to go my own way. When I knew that I needed to stop drinking and found that I could not do it on my own, the biggest reason I didn’t go to AA wasn’t my rebellious nature but simple practicalities. I don’t have options where I live. There is one English-speaking AA group in my city that meets once a week at the church where I used to teach Sunday school. Anonymity in that situation was hopeless so I didn’t even try.
But it was also the steps. Which read like rules to me. A routine or discipline that has been tried and tested by many over the years and works. But they are never-the-less RULES.
I did google AA online a few years back and I started reading the Big Book.
I remember thinking about downloading it and printing it out but I just couldn’t. Although I was worried enough about my drinking to start reading the Big Book and I saw myself in those words, I could not admit to myself much less my husband that my drinking had gotten “that bad”. I was ashamed to imagine having a copy of the AA Big Book on my bedside table. I was ashamed of the stigma of alcoholism.
In a desperate, guilt-ridden, hung-over state I did Google AA and I did read a bit, but I walked away.
Not yet… not that bad… yet…..
The thing is I saw myself very clearly in the words of the Big Book and in a way it made me feel safe to read those words. I felt like “YES!” out there in the world there were other people like me. People who understood! People who knew how to stop!
But I had trouble with the idea of following the rules.
Because I am not a joiner, not a rule follower, not someone who is ever comfortable being categorized or classified or pigeonholed in any way. Because I am so decidedly independent I struggled mightily imagining working those steps in the AA Big Book.
Ultimately for me stop drinking turned out to be all about breaking the rules. It is the single most rebellious thing I have done in my life.
Throughout the early months of my sobriety I did have a lot of help indirectly from AA. I read stories of people who had worked those steps, followed the rules, and found recovery. I had mentors from AA in my blogging group who I sometimes agreed with and sometimes debated with. But whether or not you follow the rules of AA or follow your own path the choice to stop drinking and the discipline to stay stopped has to come from within.
There has to be a moment when you look at the glass in your hand and accept 100% that once you start drinking you give up control and nothing is more important than NOT doing that anymore.
In AA I think they call it humility and surrender.
I accepted that I do not have control after the first glass and that it is a matter of life or death… and then I surrendered to a 100% commitment of my energy to stop No MATTER WHAT.
I ACCEPTED that once I start drinking I CANNOT control how much I drink
I accepted that self-abuse is NOT self-care
I surrendered to knowing that sometimes I simply need to rest and that’s OK.
I made a commitment to never drink again No MATTER what.
I found a community of people who will support and encourage me to do just that.
I reflect on how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking and who I am without the blur of mind-numbing, sensation-blurring, energy-sapping nightly binge drinking.
I ask questions, bare my soul, see myself reflected positively or not in the stories of others.
I offer support and inspiration at every opportunity.
Every day for the past two years I have been
Conscious, Aware, Alive
Sober!
If you’re drinking too much too often Rethink the Drink. You don’t have to follow the status quo. Alcohol is the only drug that people will question you for not using. Come talk to us in the Boozemusings Community BOOM. We are a Private, Anonymous community forum tucked away from the busy noise of social media on Mighty Networks. You can Download the Mighty Networks app for free, find us there at BOOM Rethink the Drink, and have a supportive community at your fingertips wherever you go.
“The people on BOOM are amazing…honest, open, respectful, supportive. I would not have made it this far without them. I was hesitant to send that initial email asking to join as I felt so vulnerable, alone and afraid to share. Thank God I did!“
“BOOM is a great community of people, all looking to Change their Lives. Most think it’s just finding a healthy relationship with booze, but after some days, clarity emerges: I want to change my LIFE.”
“Boom is a warm, inviting place to explore the why’s and how’s of alcohol in my life. A place to learn and receive encouragement from a non-judgemental group who have shared many of the same experiences and who UNDERSTAND. A place to contemplate the bigger picture of who we are and who we want to become. A place to laugh and cry and above all a place to come to in times of need.”
More of my Story :
Seeing Myself Reflected by the Town Drunk
“Boom is more than a web site……It is more than a form of recovery based social media. It is more than words in comment boxes on a computer screen….. Boom greets you with open arms and an open heart. The creator has woven warmth and life into its digital pixels. The love and dedication to this site can be felt whenever the Boom community lights up your screen. It is truly human…..A good friend on a dark night……“
Related Posts From the Boozemusings Blog :
Join Us in Discussing Staying Sober Without AA by Charles Deemer
Guide to your First Month of Sobriety: Why and How to Quit
Un-Drowning – Rising Up From a Legacy of Alcohol Addiction
Just Don’t Drink the Rest Will Follow
“This platform is cozy, relatable and has a strong fellowship feel. It’s as close to an AA meeting, without the stigma some people dislike, as you can get. Personally I don’t go to AA but I believe their principal that alcoholism is the dark night of the soul and the sober journey is about stepping into the light and wherever one or more of you are gathered in his name there is love.“
Without this site I wouldn’t be the person I am today . No one ever judges . I feel safe here to open up & talk about things I’ve never spoken a word to before . That’s freedom
