If you are trying to stop drinking, or stay sober and cannot seem to gain any traction keep reading.
There is a myth that quitting drinking becomes impossible after a certain point. I have often heard that the older you get, the harder it is to quit drinking. I’ve also heard that the longer you drink alcohol, and the more alcohol you drink, the harder it is to get sober. I was afraid that might be true for me. When I finally stopped drinking again after many years sober and many years of relapse, I was in the kind of alcohol-dependent state that people are often not able to return from. Drinking 18 beers in an evening was not uncommon for me.
The issue for me was not my advanced age, I’m only 47 now. When I did stop drinking I was 43, much younger than many of the people in the online community who supported and inspired me to get sober and stay that way. My issue was advanced addiction and advanced ill health. Even though I am younger than most, I was in the darkest, rock bottom sort of hopeless place when I committed to try everything to save my life. Life was going to get short really fast if I didn’t ultimately make the choice to stop drinking. I was not well. The emergency room attendants knew it, my doctor knew it, the ambulance drivers knew it, but most importantly, I knew it.
I recall some people saying “why bother quitting if…” and “if I’m sick I don’t wanna know..” stuff like that lol 😂
And trust me, I get it.
But I did quit drinking and I did turn my life around – My How to Stop Drinking Tips and Tools are here
Why is it so hard to stop drinking?
Most of us assume that we only get one life to live. That is not a universal belief, but it is a common belief. Accepting that you only have one life to live can be exhilarating! –“What will I do with this one precious life?” or it can be daunting! – “How could I have wasted so much of this one precious life!”. It can be easy to forget that we have the opportunity, every minute of every day, to refresh and reset. We have the power to turn around or redirect the course our life is on.
Refresh and Reset!
Two words that make all the difference when you are looking at the enormity of life.
If you are trying to stop drinking, or stay sober and have slipped, slid or cannot seem to gain any traction, the daunting perspective on the one chance at this life can become overwhelming. If you have managed to stop drinking and are holding onto sober, your committment to LIVING this one precious life rather than simply existing in it can also use a bit of a refresh now and then.
No matter where you may have been in the past you are here now. This moment is precious in your one precious life. Don’t waste it! Grab ahold of today, this minute, right now and decide that rather that looking back you will look forward. Let today be a refresh and reset, regardless of where we are on the path to becoming alcohol-free.
“Life is simply a collection of little lives, each lived one day at a time.” – Nicholas Sparks
Refresh and Reset
Refresh
I have been using a ‘Refresh’ as part of my sober toolbox while I walk along on my AF (alcohol-free) path because each passing day, week, or month comes with new challenges and needs. So it’s always nice to check in about those and keep my momentum fresh and creative while avoiding becoming complacent.
Reset
I have been a chronic relapser for a very long time, so if you’re in this boat, I got your back and know exactly how you feel! Starting over, yet again??? For me the much needed ‘Reset’ comes from the many times I hit the reset button on those multiple, nasty day 1s of slipping and sliding.
Based on my specialized knowledge on RESETS, the first notion I absolutely had to give up was that this reset was going to look like all the others. If I didn’t give up on that idea then the outcome could look like all the others too, and that’s not what I wanted. So I kept some stuff but decided to try something new as well to freshen it up and provide myself with new hope. – REFRESH – I had to see my last drunk and my “first” sober Day 1 (this time) as brand new! For me that meant a generous mix of one day at a time (ODAAT), and a plan for how to get through a month without alcohol.
Words like “never”, and “forever”, tend to carry shame and guilt which isn’t a great place to start when you’re coming from a relapse/slip/or slide. I think it was easier when it was literally the first time I ever tried to be sober, but after that, not so much. This concept of forever can be a massive trigger and way too much to take on right now. So those words aren’t necessary today if you’re on day 1, or in the early days and weeks in general.
Focusing simply on ODAAT is totally necessary to get through cravings and to give yourself a break from the stress of thoughts and feelings that come with future thinking.
Here’s a glimpse into my Reset or “new” Day One:
• Rest, hydrate, call in sick for work even if I was wasn’t, and have a plan for the day
• Stock up on my favourite mystery, thriller, suspense books and find a cozy spot to read
• Stock up on herbal teas and other AF drinks that I like
• Write a post on BOOM letting everyone know I am struggling and expect to be struggling and ask for help. Read the comments and comment back. Stay engaged in my own post
• Read a few articles on BOOM (search the archives or search #’s using the search button at the top of the main page and pick a few that stand out to you)
• Read a few other posts and engage in them (no set timeline)
• Eat as often and, whatever, is desired
• Stay in bed but give myself permission not to have to be asleep by a certain time (this comes in handy throughout my journey because no lack of sleep has ever been as shitty as waking up hungover!)
• Go on BOOM whenever a craving comes up and attend to HALTS (Hungry, angry, lonely, tied, and stressed)
I stayed in the present with this reset and repeatedly redirected all my thoughts to the fact that a minute prior, all the way to yesterday literally does not exist anymore-just right now does. Which is a great lead into what a Refresh is.
This part includes a little future planning of what it might be like to be sober longer than one day. I needed to have a reason to even attempt day one, so that’s where the “planning” aspect comes in, but it’s different than what you might think. It’s like glimpsing into the future with hopes, rather than dread and fear, which are naturally and likely there anyway.
Here’s a glimpse into my Refresh (whether starting on Day one or not ):
• Doing some research into what to expect after one day, two weeks, one month, and one year without alcohol (if you google those phrases a lot of inspiring things come up and I re read them still) start here POCKET GUIDE FOR YOUR JOURNEY from Day 1 to 7 Years alcohol Free
• Set future goals for my health and pick a time where I’d like to start something new, and what I will start with
BOOM has #s that are great for this purpose! You can post with a picture under one of those #s and if you search them you’ll see others who post there too which is so fun because there is WAY more to this site than going alcohol free! Example #s are #Fitnessevolution, #ThroughASoberLensImagesToInspire, #ArtIsLifeIsArt, etc. I’ve used them a lot and was just thinking, it’s time to post in one of them again, it’s been a while.
• Decide what I will do each day and evening while I am surfing cravings (The Routine). Does the routine warrant tweaking? If so what do I want to add in?
• How will I spend my weekend? For example, on Saturday morning I am planning to go on a hike early, which means I will have to be sober the night before. What will I do that night instead of drink? What do I hope to experience on that hike? What if it’s too cold to hike? What’s plan B just in case?
• Think about what you want to see for yourself that would only be possible without alcohol. For example: Healing from health problems caused by drinking; what types of relationships will be possible; who you want to be in relationships with others; where you’d like to travel; how much money will you save each day you don’t drink, etc. Positive stuff. The things you know to be possible in the future without alcohol.
Here is a glimpse into my alcohol free evenings (imagine smooth jazz 🎶 🎼 🎵 playing in the background of course…
And the dinner I made with my healing heart …
I hope you are all enjoying a sober, hangover free last day, and if you’re not but you’re reading this anyway, there’s no time like the present to get started on your Resets and Refreshes.
–Your hopes, and your dreams. 💙
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