Pain, Split-Second decisions and My Addict Voice

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Yesterday I threw my back out. This morning, after performing the complicated gymnastic maneuver that it takes for me to get out of bed, I was making coffee and feeling quite literally like I’d been kicked in the back by an elephant and a little voice popped into my head whispering 

A Cigarette would make it feel better …. 

I KID YOU NOT ! It’s been over two years since I quit smoking and that voice still pops up now and then.  

Clear as a bell, perfectly rational.

Nicotine is a numbing agent it WILL make you feel better…

The voice was strong and I actually had a visual fantasy of making a sort of tobacco paste and rubbing it all over my lower back because the voice was wisely suggesting that there must be some native tribe that uses nicotine for pain relief and natural medicine is, of course, the best.

But instead, I just had my coffee and went for a walk, because I KNOW that the worst thing for my back would be reintroducing a drug that cuts off the flow of oxygen to my muscles and I am no longer swayed by that stupid addict voice.

BUT IT REMINDED ME HOW STONG THAT VOICE CAN BE … and calm and rational and creative and that it can take you down in a split second. 

I’m going back to bed now, and I’ll get up and walk a bit every hour or so, and I’ll take the stuff the doctor gave me, but I just wanted to say to those who are struggling with their addict voice I hear it too ! That voice had me dragging around a case of wine and a pack of cigarettes like a ball and chain for years

I was so seduced by that voice that I lied about both the drinking and the smoking for years because we knew ( me and my addict voice ) that we had it under control, or at least that we would get it under control, and knowing that I smoked or how much I drank would just scare people unnecessarily so why make things public.

No need for that right? …. 

So STOP!…. LISTEN to the voice … tell it NO! and then rat that bugger out !  Get online and talk to your community or go to a meeting or write a post. RAT THAT BUGGER OUT!

stop sign on street, related to addict

That’s the corner at the end of my street. When I turned that corner on my walk this morning something about the sun coming up and the STOP just seemed kind of perfect,

Pain will pass in most cases, especially if you do the stuff that your doctor suggests and you walk and breath and meditate and stuff

Following the addict voice that suggests self-medicating with an inflammatory shot or ten of booze or some of that lovely numbing nicotine will simply keep you trapped dragging around that ball and chain indefinitely,

So how to turn the volume on that voice down ? There are some great resources in this post Walking Away From Wine o’ Clock especially Belle’s one minute messages which are free and Annie Grace’s Alcohol Experiment which is free, and they both wrote books which are a terrific help in turning down the volume on that voice.   

If you like to read check out William Porter’s Alcohol Explained , the first five chapters of wich are linked into that post.

Belle, the author of the blog Tired of Thinking About Drinking wrote a BRILLIANT post called Ode to Red Wine  and Another called Sobriety is a Little Car that are the best things I’ve ever read on what that voice sounds like and why you should ignore it. This post from our blog is pretty terrific too .

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