Life Guard

I guard my life
It’s up to me
No one to blame now I’m free
The days were dark
I’d got embroiled
In a life of numbing
Couldn’t face a day ahead
Of mundane tasks & grumpy faces
All my thoughts were taken up
Gaging time, filling cup
Watching the clock & planning ahead
Gagging his home time , the fear & dread
Would he know , could he tell
How much wine , would he smell .
I’d sneaked a few , no one would know
I was fooling myself , the tears would flow
Until the next time , I’d gage his mood
Let’s go out & get some food
My greedy self was planning more
Sneaking off to my secret store of wine & cans I’d neck a few
Knowing there’d be more in my bag for the loo .
Gaging & guarding my every move
I’d grown tired of this life,there must be more
I was kidding myself , life was a chore
Nearly two years ago I left that life
Of shame & regret , nearly losing him
I’m the lifeguard in my life
I will not sink
I choose to swim ……

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