Finding Empowerment in Demystifying Sober

I struggled with my drinking for years, even after it became obvious to me that I had a problem with alcohol, because I felt like I needed to drink. Alcohol had always been a part of the landscape in my world. Alcoholism was discussed in my family as something that could be in my future because it was back there behind me in the family tree but for the most part, I was able to talk myself into believing that I wasn’t that bad, … yet. My family drank, my work colleagues drank, and my friends drink. Not drinking in my world was hard to imagine and the idea of going sober left me cold.

There was something different about my drinking though. I was slipping beneath the surface of what was ok, and what was safe. At the age of 50, I was terrified and desperate, but how to stop drinking mystified me. I had only ever understood that sober was achieved through rehab and AA and neither of those was an option for me. Luckily I stumbled over a new kind of support group to stop drinking and I did finally go sober almost six years ago.

After reading Lucy Rocca’s book How to lead a happier, healthier, and alcohol-free life: The Rise of the Soberista I discovered blogs like Tired of Thinking About Drinking and Unpickled where I learned that the kind of community support I’d always imagined was only available through AA, was out there on the internet in vibrant, independent, blogging communities. I was so amazed at the reality of sober- the empowering freedom of not needing to drink! – that I started my own online community in 2017 – The Boozemusings Community and Boom Rethink the Drink – and recently got together with Luke from the Lisa Inside addiction podcast – to talk about that journey –

Before I found community support online I hated the idea of being sober. Drinking was just a part of who I was for as long as I could remember. But the call to pour a glass of wine at the end of the day had turned into a sort of Siren song that was luring me to crash against the rocks. One glass led to one bottle which was never quite enough so a second was routinely opened.

When I was in my 20s and 30s there were many occasions that I remember waking up hungover after a killer drinking session with friends. Sometimes I was full of regret on those mornings but usually, I was savoring great memories of connection with great people over great food. But the last couple of years I drank it was a very different sort of thing … I would wake up hungover after a killer drinking session of me alone, me and my bottle, isolated and focused 100% on drinking to get drunk but having no control over how dangerously drunk I got ….

and I would wake up with no fond memories of anything

just an empty sense of doom….

When I was young I drank because alcohol promised connection, and eventually I drank because alcohol promised me comfort, but it gave the opposite in the end. It left me cold and alone and afraid, the relationship had become symbiotic, parasitic, dark and empty.

I read a great quote once that described it perfectly

The man takes a drink

the drink takes a drink

The drink takes the man

If you’re “sober curious” … If you are drinking too much too often and want to stop or take a break…or if you have stopped drinking and are trying to stick to sober! Talk to Us.
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It’s helpful to leave self blame at the door
If its not serving you anymore
From a heavy and maybe weary heart
To a fresh start

You could find out soon
Life could bloom with BOOM

Be proud because you’re taking the first steps
Just do the next right thing
And then the next
ODAAT

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We’ll be your safety net
You don’t need to do this alone

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