I still vividly remember the moment I said GOODBYE to Alcohol.

As I poured that evening’s first drink, practically neat vodka that looked like week tea as it only had a tiny bit of coke in it, I knew I’d drink until I could drink no more. This had become my daily ritual. I didn’t even want to drink anymore. I needed to.

And there was that fear of knowing I had lost control. The fear was so overwhelming. And I was the only person who knew how truly bad it was. And I knew I was the only one who could get me out of it.

I was sitting in the kitchen on my own, other half had gone to bed, and I was crying and hating that drink in that bottle but loving it also. I remember seeing my reflection in the mirror and it stopping me in my tracks. And I really looked and I didn’t know this person looking back at me. Where had she gone. What the fuck had happened to her. How had I let this happen. And I told her in the mirror so calmly, that this

stops

now.

All alcohol was poured away, and to this day I’ve not had a drink.

Maybe I’d hit my bottom.

Maybe it was just my time.

But I’m so thankful every single day that I don’t drink

You just don’t realise how much time you spent on thinking about drinking.

The when’s.

The how much.

The will I run out.

Is my drunkenness showing…

what have I done and said…

did I get away with it.

So you say goodbye to alcohol. You stop. And all of a sudden you have just 1 thing that you can’t do.

Don’t touch alcohol.

At first it’s so hard it’s like, ok my life revolved around you, now what do I do?

What do I even like, every interest I had always revolved around drinking .

You seem to have so many hours to get through. You have to learn to do things so differently until they become your new habits.

At first, I felt so vulnerable. I was scared I’d not be strong enough to ride the waves. I was scared that I wouldn’t feel happiness without that glass in my hand. But what I’ve learned so far is that I can still do family occasions without alcohol, I can go to restaurants without alcohol. And although these things still feel strange, I know they will become the new normal. I love the peace of mind that staying sober has brought me. I rarely think about drinking anymore, only at first times of doing a big thing, but I’ve realised it’s not the drink I will miss, it’s the worry that I won’t find the said activity as enjoyable and I don’t know why I worry cause things always turn out fine, and so far I’ve have had a great time!

There is no better time than today to totally change your life. Each and every one of us started at that same spot, TODAY. You can’t go back and tomorrow isn’t promised. YOU don’t need to wait till you’re feeling strong enough. You don’t need to wait until there is less stress, or you’re feeling ready, or have hit rock bottom. You will never feel that it is a perfect time. There is always something that you will come up with to justify drinking. We have to cut the crap and be totally honest with ourselves, admit that the problem is the booze, and the way that we drink is not normal.

I was what you’d call a functioning alcoholic. I went through the motions of living, but I didn’t feel alive. I was just hungover every day. Living a lie. Here I am now living life AF (alcohol-free) ODAAT (one day at a time). I see life as it is. Scary, beautiful, sad, funny. I’m feeling everything, and I never want to numb those things away again, I still have sad days, but so does everyone, I still get sick with nerves about impending things. But so does everyone. But most of all I feel like I know myself, more than I’ve ever done before.

So don’t wait for the perfect time. That feeling in your gut? The talk in your head? That is your wake-up call. Your body is sending you the get out now signal, LISTEN TO IT

Be free ❤️

More from this author :

Looking Back from 5 Months Sober

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Staring it Right in the Eyes Alcohol-Free

Leaving My Abusive Relationship With Alcohol

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