You know how the dolls and toys come alive when the humans leave the room?…yeah that’s what happened with my alcohol bottles in their little liars club…they had an agenda. They lied. They were delusional. They were tricky tricksters and they liked it best when I was in the room with them. They schemed and connived while I was gone and would hit me hard when I entered the room. The interactive nightly show I continually bought tickets to went something like this:
Winey Wino:…. Hey…hey hey hey…. Aren’t I so pretty? Look at my cute bottle! Hey did you see my bottles with interactive labels? You need to get the app! It’s soooooooo fun!
My brain: Oh yes I have the app and I even showed the check out lady at the grocery how to use it once…so cute and I love all your colored foil tops….makes my wine rack look so pretty too.
Winey Wino: Hey lady…I don’t like to just sit here looking pretty…. Open me, drink me. I am theeeee elixir. I will calm you down and make you happy!
My brain: You speak my truth! You are doing me no good in the wine rack. Plus, I don’t want you to get dusty.
Winey Wino: Yeah that would be shameful. And we know how you are with any shame, right? Drink me and I’ll take your shame away, remember?
My brain: Oh that’s right. Sorry, I had forgotten my shame backpack but I’ll go get it and strap it on again.
Winey Whino: Hey laaaadeeeeeee……. It’s 4pm…almost time…. The best hour of the day! 5pm! You know no one would know if you started a bit early.
My brain: You are absolutely right!
Winey Wino: Oh I love it when you pull my cork… you are really helping me out lady. I feel so much better.
My brain: Funny how that works and we both feel so much better. Thanks buddy. ::heavy:sigh::
My brain: Hey..hubby needs some scotch to chill before dinner…you should have some with him….
Kilty Scotch: yeah…I taste so lovely..and I will make your wine even better…..break me with one cube please
Winey Wino:…. Hey I’m over here! Don’t forget me!
My brain: Oh I’m not…I was making other plans but since you asked…. We’ll relax in the recliner together for the evening. I’ll do what I need to tomorrow.
Señorita Tequila: Dang I wish they were having tacos tonight… I’m feeling left out.
Any Amaretto Will Do: Not me! I’m going to bed now…she’ll be up early looking to put me in her coffee. I do need my beauty rest.
Señorita Tequila: Oh this gives me hope..maybe she’ll have tacos for lunch tomorrow. I work well at lunch time, too!
Mr. Sparkly Flask: oh f*#kity f*#k f*#k (that’s for Patty P and the Monday nighters)…You guys have all the fun! I just lay around waiting for me to throw her in her purse for holiday parties and weddings…. So boring…. Where is she at now anyway? What happened to her? Oh just f*#k it I’ll find something else to do. You all never play with me.
Winey Wino: She’s out…she “fell asleep” in the recliner even with all of our chatter…. Dang I hate just sitting here. Be ready to chatter loudly when she gets up to go to the bathroom gang…we have to keep her going. We’re no fun without her, remember? And she believes every lie I tell her! This is such a great game!
Beer Buddy: Yeah I remember and I’ll scream extra loud at lunch time tomorrow to get the party started….her hubby put me in the fridge for himself but I’m afraid he’s completely forgotten me. I’ll get her to bring me out to play and the rest of you can join in later. It’ll be days or weeks before he notices I’m gone….. maybe I can even get her to bring out Bloody Ginny for some play time…I’ve missed her…and I can get MV to listen to me any time. I’ll be our hero!
Well, I believed their sneaky story. I listened to their tantalizing ways. They are all liars and are addicts and love me as an addict, too. They might calm me down. They will make me depressed. They might make the party more fun. They will make any anxious feelings I have more anxious. It is insidious. If I am carrying any shame, I will feel more ashamed. They tell me we will have a good time. But really, if I’m happy, they will steal away my smile. The only way to truly shut them up is to get them out of my life and take away their power to give my brain time to unwire all those intrusive thoughts.
Sitting with my emotions and thoughts has not been easy. In fact, it has been down right excruciating at times. Feeling them has also held the utmost jubilation and healing moments. I am ten months sober in just a few days. I had to dump all my alcohol, get rid of all my paraphernalia, and change my spoken word to past tense.
Now I say when I used to drink instead of when I drink. I say when I used alcohol to numb my emotions instead of when I numb my emotions with alcohol. I tell my lizard brain…. WE DON’T DRINK! And repeat it often. I put it on a sticky note! I don’t drink because….and fill in the blank. When alcohol in the grocery yells across the way to get my attention…tell it to shut it and then pivot because they can’t come home with me! I have drained my key players, recycled their bottles, and joined the I DON’T DRINK CLUB! The Liars Club show is over folks and there’s no more tickets to be bought.
I’m giving out free lifetime memberships to the I DON’T DRINK club here at the end of Jubilant June. They are valid through Dry July… who wants one? And as for the upcoming show and attraction….well, the possibilities are absolutely endless!
My little anthropomorphic bottles with evil agendas no longer exist…they were carried out taken straight to the RECYCLE club for rehabilitation. It’s quiet around here now unless the band is playing for the daily dance party…and that’s a good thing.
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