This is an invitation to you to join us in celebrating your life in 2024. It’s an invitation to join us starting today, at whatever stage you may be in your effort to change your relationship with alcohol, to join us and be the hero of your own story. This is an invitation to not settle for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. An invitation to rewrite your narrative that is inspired by the words of my hero, Nelson Mandela.

Nelson Mandela was known for his inspirational works and words, the relentless pursuit of lasting peace and a knack for finding hope in any situation, no matter how dark. The title of his memoir Long Walk to Freedom, feels like it could be the title of any one of our personal journeys here in our Boom Rethink the Drink Community, and I say that with the utmost respect. I am not comparing our experiences or lives to that of the one and only Madiba, as he was fondly known. I am, however, reflecting on what we can learn from him in our personal struggles to be free from the prisons of our own making, when it comes to compulsive alcohol consumption.

Yes, the road to recovery is long, but the journey is mostly rewarding. This week as we head into a new year, I’ve considered what the wise Mandela man might say about the many alcohol-related challenges we face at the moment or in our memories. Don’t let alcohol be your story!

1. Ditch the despair of a day one

Oh boy and how many times have I fallen down? Too many to count and I have the battle scars to prove it. From the time I joined the Boom community hoping to stop drinking in early 2022, until now, I’ve had at least 17 day ones and that’s only looking at the day ones I actually counted. There are many I did not count, some that I lied about (I’m sorry!) and others that were absolute groundhog days.

But here’s the thing. I never quit trying to quit drinking and neither should you. I got back up, one moment, hour, movement and day at a time, and I will again if I need to. Sometimes all we can do is wearily get back up and wobble our way forward. If you’re staring down another day one right now, keep at it. One day, it will be your last day one and that is the true definition of success.

2. Stop drinking down the poison

Calling all the angry drinkers…. Is that you? Someone said something bad to you or about you, so you drink at them. Someone wronged you, or something went wrong for you, so you drink, drink, drink at that. We drink down our resentment, swallowing it whole, while we drink up the poison. Not good.

I’ve often heard people say on Boom that they ‘drank at x and at y’. I can so relate. I drink at stuff all the time. I became a daily drinker because of difficult dynamics in my relationships, tricky situations at work and personal circumstances beyond my control. (Also, because I’m an alcoholic, but that’s another whole consideration.)

When I drank resentfully, it only poisoned the well within me and did nothing for or about the circumstances and people I drank at. Let’s try not to drink the poison anymore, ok? Whether it’s in a glass or internalised resentment, which is really just an excuse for picking up the drink. (Back to the alcoholic consideration).

3. Let it be show time!

I used to think I had no time for me and my true passions because in reality, I didn’t. I spent hour after hour wasting my time drinking on my patio – alone, with company, in summer, in winter, on a weekday and over weekends. That was my sad ‘passion’ and that’s a lot of wasted time!

How small I made my life. Somehow, I just didn’t want to notice how much time my wine glass was stealing from me every single day. I didn’t have time to read a book. I didn’t have time to clean out my cupboards, I didn’t have time to go for a long walk or to watch a movie, but then I stopped drinking.

Suddenly time became an acronym for ‘this is my excuse’. Nighttime became especially scary. With nothing to drink there was nothing to do, so I filled up my time with things I haven’t done in ages. I went to the theatre: ballets, operas, and symphonies, so lovely. I picked up needle work: a knitted moss stitch travel blanket with each row representing a triumph in my sobriety (it’s far from finished). I listened to podcasts, cooked elaborate meals and slept for hours on end. This is the life I am capable of living and the timing right now is perfect.

4. No more negative disrespect

Ever had a craving so bad that you felt and behaved like a grinch for days on end? Yes, me too. Part of recovering from the cycle of drinking is changing your negative mindset towards yourself and others, which is especially hard at craving times.

The other day someone gestured at me wildly in traffic. I gave them the finger and muttered about that subpar human angrily all the way home, only to find later that my petrol cap was hanging open. He was trying to tell me, to warn me, to help me. What a nice guy. He did not deserve my worst assumptions in exchange for his kindness.

Now I try to do a good turn for anyone and say nothing about it, every day. It helps the cravings, and the mindset, and my fellow humans.

5. Just get it done

Like the Nike ad says, just do it. Throw out the alcohol, tell people your truth, do what you know you have to do to turn your drinking life around. Yes, you can.

6. Start preparing in  your heart

If I am brutally honest, I posted many times right here that I’m never drinking again, each time secretly believing that I’ll just drink again tomorrow. That futility doesn’t and can’t work. These days I put my full and heartfelt belief behind my alcohol-free life. How can we be prepared to not drink if we don’t actually believe or want to believe it’s possible? Imagine if Nelson Mandela never believed he would be released from prison. I’d rather not.

7. If nothing changes, nothing changes

Did you know that addiction is a behaviour? Nah? Me neither. But it is, it’s bad behaviour. It’s selfish behaviour, it’s irritable behaviour, it’s dramatic behaviour and I catch myself in patterns of addictive behaviour all the time, even when I’m not drinking. Changing my pessimistic behaviour, like always expecting the worst, helps release me from my addictive behaviour. Who knew… stinking thinking leads to drinking.

8. Beat the enemy at his game

In 1995, South Africa won the Rugby World Cup. It was our first year of democracy and this one global event united the nation like nothing else could for decades to come. Our President Nelson Mandela was out there in his Springbok T-shirt celebrating the win like it was his own. I doubt he played rugby at school, or cared for it, although the truth is I actually don’t know. But in many ways, that was a triumph for all South Africans, friends and foes.

The Wine Witch is my foe, her favourite sport is whispering nonsense in my ear. The other day I accidentally poured myself a glass of pink wine. I thought it was my non-alcoholic version and didn’t look at the label properly before pouring. Luckily I smelt it before I sipped it, but the Wine Witch was at me like Defcon One. ‘Just a sip,’ she said. ‘How about half and half,’ she urged, ‘you’ve been so good this far’. I chucked it all out. The real pink wine and my fake pink wine. My daughter didn’t even miss her real wine or me my pseudo one. I won’t play that sport, ever again. It’s the enemy’s game. A fool’s game.

9. Never quit quitting

 
 
In this world where often the only drug you’ll be questioned for not recklessly using is alcohol, let’s never stop quitting the drinking. I’m tired of the way people joke about downing too many tequilas like it’s funny, but they don’t joke about putting needles in their arms. We are the leading rebels, leading the rebel movement to just not drink. Lead on. Leading is quitting.

10. Keep an open mind

I am completely dissident and dismissive when it comes to the institution of AA. I don’t like the rhymes, I don’t like the chants, I don’t like the big books, I don’t like them saying I have a disease – gross man. The list goes on, but this is not an anti AA missive, I promise. It’s actually an anti-open-mindedness call out, on myself and others who may be similar in sentiment.

It’s so easy for me to say I don’t want to go to AA because blah, blah, blah. I don’t believe in AA because bah humbug. But, it’s not easy to just take some darn responsibility for my sobriety and participate in everything that might help, because like it or not, there are gains to be made and had in AA and elsewhere.

On Sunday I went to my first AA meeting, responsibly, with an open mind. I didn’t like it, but I’ll do it again, because what’s the alternative? I don’t want to drink.

11. Hold out your hand

Helping each other makes us stronger. Oh yeah! Let’s never stop reaching out and helping each other out, right here on Boom and out there in the world. Acts of love and service can turn our drinking worlds around. Humility and helping helps keep us sober. Win-win for the entire ecosystem.

 12. Accept what you cannot change

I find it really unfortunate, for me, that there are people out there who just don’t drink because they never really liked it. I envy them. I ogle them like they are exotic creatures compared to me. ‘Why couldn’t I be like that?’ I ask.

Because I’m not, is the answer, and that I suppose is my misfortune. I’m also short and I have mousy-brown hair. Oh well, just things I cannot change about myself. So, I accept the misfortune of how much I like booze and triumph over it with the iron will to develop my sober muscles.

13. Choose your hopes and dreams

I hope to stay sober. I am afraid I may fail. I choose to not drink. Nuff said.

14. The fight is never finished

Perhaps this part of the healing process is the hardest to get one’s head around. In 12 days, I’ll be wrapping up my 90-day out patient rehab programme. At first I looked at the programme end date longing to be done so I can tick that box and move on. Now I know, recovery is never done. You climb one hill, and then you climb another, but at least the view is always great from the top.

What hills are in front of me now? Relapse prevention, not becoming complacent and maybe even 90 AA meetings in 90 days, which has been suggested, ow. We’ll see, whatever it takes.

What hills do you still need to climb?

---

WHO ARE WE?

Online Community Support to Stop Drinking – BOOM!

More from this Author :

7 Myths About Outpatient Alcohol Rehab (IOP)

---

If you’re “sober curious” …If you are drinking too much too often and want to stop or take a break… Talk to Us. 

We are an independent, anonymous and private community who share resources, support and talk it through every day. It helps to have a community behind you in a world where alcohol is the only addictive drug that people will question you for NOT using

---