Do you remember running through the sprinkler as a child on a hot sunny day? The “ready-set-go!” dash towards that quick burst of cold water!! Naked feet stomping through the grass all afternoon long, sometimes sliding sideways down on one knee or your tush because that grass was slippery. But you got back up just as fast to run through that cold sprinkler once again!! Time after time, that thrill remained, sometimes adding a super cool ninja move all while jumping over that sprinkler. Such carefree fun – and an added plus? – it was the easiest way to wash that melted, sticky ice cream mustache from your face!!

But, then out of nowhere, you happen to randomly step on a pointy pebble. AHHH, OUCH!! Where the heck did that come from? All afternoon you played in that exact same area and never did you step on that pointy pebble. But all it took is one, non-measured yet precise step at that perfect angle, and POUF: you feel that pointy pebble hurt your foot and the fun is over. It was silently, mysteriously resting there between the strands of grass all along…

It is guaranteed that the next time you go out to do that same activity, you will remember that pointy pebble, and do full-on grounds check before stomping that green grass barefoot!

This is how I feel at 6 months sober. Overall, things are pretty good. I feel so much stronger than I did a few months ago. My mood is stable, with some ups and downs. I feel better equipped at navigating what life has in store for me. I am clear-headed and I sleep like a rock most nights. I crave healthy foods that I know will nourish my body, mind, and soul. In general, I feel comfortable and stable in my AF life, and I feel prepared to “switch gears” when I need to.

BUT… Yes, there is a BUT that still exists.

I have noticed that the further I walk away from that “Day 1”, and venture far into this eye-opening AF life, the further my memories are of all the detrimental sides of drinking wine on a daily basis. There is this type of “fading away” that has taken place, like words written with a white chalk on a blackboard, but the writing has slightly been erased, and the words are still rather legible. On the contrary, that memory of “fuzzy feelings” wine offered, has continued to kind of “stay on my heels”; it comes knocking at times, and has yet to completely “fade” from my memory. As time passes, I know this will slowly wither away and be replaced by other pleasurable feelings.

I have reached that point where I am working to move beyond my inner limitations and push through those uncertainties and fears. I am much more aware of my thoughts and am tuned in to myself. Something that I have had to allow myself to slowly re-learn, accept, go through the motions, and LIVE.

When that pointy pebble suddenly appears, recognise it for what it is, but refrain from giving it all the power: It just temporarily showed up to briefly disrupt whichever activity you were doing, and piss you off! Remove it from your path with all your might and keep moving forward because you are stronger than that irritating pointy pebble!!