As we maneuver through September, with the objective of sobriety, life may not have been 100 % alcohol-free. I am not making excuses for you, but I’m here to say : “It’s okay. Keep breathing. Keep trying.”
Sometimes it’s easy to read the signs and we assume it will be easy to do.
Let’s abstract the process and look at it as a do it yourself oil change!
You decide to change your engine oil- it looked easy – why not save money and do it yourself? You researched about the correct oil specifications and went to the auto parts store to get the rest of the supplies that the interweb suggested: at the cash register, you realize the intent to save money may have been dampened a little, but convince yourself that as long as you continue to change the oil, the overall savings will be there, right?
So you head home, armed with the proper tools and the oil to finagle this “20 minute job”, per Sparky the Mechanic on the video clip. You set everything out and you commit to this task.
Until. Step 1: “with a cooled engine, position the oil bucket underneath the engine oil pan.” You scoot under the car and look for the magical spot, but then understand that your car engine is NOT like the one on the video and ….holy moly WHERE do you put this bucket???? The question has to be answered by yet another video by Tony, but this one is in a foreign language and the subtitles are choppy.
The anxiety builds and before anything else gets positioned or unscrewed, you get into the (still operating) car and drive to the nearby store to get cat litter…. just in case there’s a spill or two. When you get home, you realize the oil worked for the last 6 miles and it’s too dark now to start, so you put the supplies in an organized pile and commit to trying again tomorrow.
Tomorrow comes, and as you look to tackle this daunting task of changing the engine oil, you look for Tony’s video and can’t find the exact one…. but the new one from Mandy the Mechanic seems to be a better plan: you understand it better and it’s the same exact car!
Perfect, right? Except: Mandy insists that you should only use synthetic oil, and the teenager that sold you the oil a couple of days ago had said there was no difference between the different blends. After a 45 minute internet research, you resign to yourself that changing the oil isn’t going to happen today, because you need to go exchange the oil and the store is clear over to the other side of town. Tomorrow.
Except when tomorrow comes, your schedule is already full with work and life… the oil will have to wait until next weekend. You have checked the oil levels, and it isn’t low- it’s just old and will be fine for another couple of days.
It was a great plan, but the truth is that even with the tools and knowledge, the actual action of doing this task is unbelievably daunting! When you finally try to unscrew the oil filter…. it is too tight to remove, so you have to resort to asking someone else to help you…. and then the fears: what if I don’t get the new filter in right? What if I cross-thread it? What if I don’t put the oil plug back in right? What if I overfill it? What if I don’t add enough oil? What if I spill too much? Where do I dispose the old oil? When can I get to the recycling center?
Engines are expensive!!!
Twenty two days ago, the motivation and intent to change one’s engine oil was strong. Simplistic thinking, but as the hurdles popped up, the fears and hesitancy crowded the idea…. self doubt and second guessing about what might happen if the plan didn’t go to plan.
I hope you can see that this can happen with our intentions to stop drinking too. We “bought in” to the thought that September could be a sober 30 days, but life happened, and despite the simplistic thinking that you could kick the can and just stop…. well, maybe it didn’t go to plan.
That is okay. You still thought about the possibility of an Alcohol FREE lifestyle, and you collected some tools along the way. You found the courage to try, and THAT is an empowerment in your brain that may not have existed in August. Don’t poo-pooh that as nothing!
Keep trying. You don’t have to count the days, you just have to do today. Today is a great day to be sober.
More by this author
Respect Your Frog – A Sobriety Fable
Let’s go back to basics and start today with some simple instructions to lead the way. Back at the beginning of our Sober September this word was the focus in our community. Follow the blue links to more thoughts on courage and use what works from this for you today.
Sobriety 101
Making yourself accountable is the first step and that takes Courage.
“Courage? … The fear of quitting was paralyzing! But that’s what fear does, paralyzes. I felt like a deer in headlights, stuck in one spot with a 2000lb vehicle heading straight for me! I remember the moment I told my boss about my drinking problem…and my words were exactly that…I’m so scared, I don’t know what my life will look like without alcohol…sigh…but now, my AF life is much more productive, peaceful and satisfying. And the more I learn, the better the future is looking. I definitely have more courage! And right now that courage is focused on my future. There’s so many things I want to do! I like feeling happy about not drinking when the triggers happen…I like feeling hopeful about my future…I like my mind being more and more clear…it’s a freedom I have been looking for in all the wrong places….and now I’ve found it!” …. Find your Sober Courage
“For those that are afraid of opening up, I promise you it’s ok. For those getting the shit kicked out of them by life at the moment, it can’t hurt to express it. Opening up, exposing your worries, your shame, your fears – being vulnerable – it can be scary and you can feel wobbly and weird doing it. But it isn’t weak. It creates strength. As someone who opens up and is ok (ish!) with the feeling of vulnerability, I can promise you strength comes from this place.
“Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” – Brene Brown
Vulnerability, courage, creativity, life …. ” Finding the Courage to be Vulnerable
“Courage…….being afraid of the path that lies ahead and taking it anyway.
The most courageous (and humbling) thing I did was stop lying to myself about having a drinking problem and being unable to control it. It took me years to be honest enough with myself that I could just go ahead and stop. The truth really has set me free. Making the daily decision to be AF (alcohol-free ) is by no means easy, but it’s a hell of a lot easier than it was to accept the truth… ” Finding the Courage to Go Sober
“Courage?
I think it’s about respect.
Respecting yourself and your choices.
Having the guts to stand up for yourself….” From Sober Curious to Sober Courageous
WHO ARE WE?
Online Community Support to Stop Drinking – BOOM!
If you’re “sober curious” …If you are drinking too much too often and want to stop or take a break… Talk to Us. We are an independent, anonymous and private community who share resources, support and talk it through every day. It helps to have a community behind you in a world where alcohol is the only addictive drug that people will question you for NOT using
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