I was in a small group of colleagues last week where we were talking about my choice to live alcohol-free. I was saying I sometimes feel I have to be mindful when sharing how much I enjoy my life now, because I’m so positive about how it feels to be 6 years alcohol-free. I think in the later stages of my drinking, I would have understood my AF positivity, but in earlier years, I would have found it irritating, maybe even strange, and probably would have wanted to avoid someone like the 6-year alcohol-free me. 

Letting colour into every corner of my life – that’s what giving up the booze has meant to me. This new life is such a gift, but the potential improvement and amazing benefits were so hard to imagine when I was drinking. What a conundrum that is.

For anyone worried about missing out, if they stop drinking, I say, don’t be worried. I used to spend so much time, energy, and money on wine – so, so much. It seems like most of the people around me still are. If you were an alien who knew nothing about alcohol and landed in the UK on a sunny summer afternoon and watched a group of people for 24 hours, you’d have to wonder what on earth was going on. It’s all just bonkers.

I don’t miss all the discomfort and shame around drinking. I feel sad when I remember skulking around – “doesn’t matter if I drink, just matters if I get caught…” I used alcohol as a way of giving myself permission to let go of my responsibilities. To feel like I was having a break. It seemed like such an obvious “solution” at the time…Then, of course, over time and without me noticing, things changed. Drinking moved from being a way to have a break to being the biggest chore of all. 

How many sunny afternoons and evenings did I spend chasing the hit from the first drink (not to mention all the dull, rainy, snowy, dark, insert any other weather condition)? It seemed like all my free time was spent like this: drink, get happy, drink some more, get loud, drink some more, get louder, drink some more, get stagger-y, drink some more, maybe get a bit morose/weepy, drink some more, go to bed (with or without a bit of vomiting) wake up in the middle of the night with a racing heart, gulp water, go back to sleep, wake again later, feeling like you haven’t had enough sleep with a banging headache, unable to face food, slump around for a few hours, if you’ve got time – if not, force yourself through purposeful activity whilst feeling dreadful, convincing yourself that you’re doing an ok job. Make it through to whatever point in the day constitutes an acceptable time to drink alcohol and go again.

Momentous is how I would describe the changes to my life at 6 years alcohol-free. Honestly, I’m not even sure that’s a big enough word. For so long, I felt soul-tired and alone. I was too ashamed to sort it out. Simply stuck, sad, and tired. It’s good to be out of that horrible, lonely trap. 

My life is calmer and much more interesting now. I definitely feel more physically fit and alive than I did six years ago. My health has improved. My relationships have improved. I’m just back from a holiday where I enjoyed all kinds of different activities – by really, truly experiencing them…not just doing them to fill in the time until the next drink. Or to have something to do while I was drinking. 

At 6 years alcohol-free I’m more available for myself and the people I care about. I can (and do) reflect rather than just react. There are still lows. Bad things still happen. But they are rarely, if ever, of my making, I don’t have those over-emotional, wine-fuelled responses – late-night shouting and weeping and gnashing of teeth, only to wake up the next morning with little or no memory of what I said or did. Just that sense of discomfort, detachment, and exhaustion.

My life is much fuller these days. I have more time to do more things I enjoy and spend it with people I love being with. If you’re battling to stop drinking, it is truly worth the battle – keep going. There is so much waiting for you on the other side.

Join me!

More Reading from Our Community 

Celebrating 6 Years Alcohol Free

6 Years Sober : My Last Post? by MrsP