I am an introvert.
There……I’ve said it.
WHAT???? How can this possibly be?? I’m the life of the party and have been for the past 40 years!! Surely there must be some kind of mistake??
All kidding aside, discovering I’m an introvert was really big news for me. I’ve never been known to dive too deep into my emotions anyway (guy thing?) but the bigger truth is I’ve masked the real me for the last 40 years by drinking, to fit in and be socially acceptable. I could small talk my way through an event with charm and ease, when it was with an alcoholic beverage in my hand. I couldn’t remember half of what was said the next day, but that’s another story.
Alcohol was a social lubricant for me and I used it often. It made people more interesting, it made events more interesting, and it made crowds more palatable.
Quitting made life really difficult at first, when I realized I didn’t want to have anything to do with anyone!! All my charm seemed gone, and I felt alone and naked in social situations. This feeling oftentimes tripped up my attempts to remain alcohol-free (AF).
Learning to exist in the world AF is like a baby learning to walk….especially I think for an introvert.
For the first several months, my focus was only on not drinking. If that meant staying home and avoiding social situations, that’s what I did. Gradually, I worked up to going out to dinner AF. I would attend social situations where I could bail if necessary.
One day, about three months in, I was at a family gathering with my AF beer and quipped in with a few jokes here and there. I noticed I was comfortable with the drinkers around me. Though still baby steps, I WAS able to socialize a bit.
Around month six or seven, I realized I might be developing a bit of a superpower. My memory was coming back. I was able to use it in social situations along with my mind’s clarity to my benefit. I was walking a bit, though still tiring easily.
As I continue on this journey AF, I’ve noted a few things:
—It’s okay to not be the life of the party.
—The conversations I have are more meaningful, and I remember them.
—It is quite alright to excuse myself and leave when I’ve had enough.
Most important, though, it’s okay to be an introvert.
This AF journey is filled with unexpected realizations. Discovering I’m an introvert and how to accept and navigate it, is but one step in my journey to live a better life and be a better version of me.
To be continued…
More Thoughts on Drinking to Fit In
Sober Curious? The Party Isn’t Over
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