Why Does it Seem So Many People are Drinking Themselves Away?
I saw an article recently that said problem drinking is at an all-time low in the US. That is great news because after years of telling us that daily wine consumption was heart healthy, they now say that NO amount of drinking is good for your health. But my reaction to that article I saw this week, that drinking is at an all time LOW was, “Seriously?” that is not what I see. Many, and I mean MANY of the people I know are heavy, heavy drinkers. I find myself asking often, why are so many people drinking themselves away?
Men in their 60s are drinking themselves to death.
Women in my sphere spend way too much time slurping margaritas and wine while complaining that their age is showing in the wrinkles in their faces .
Why?
What are they drinking to solve? Can alcohol solve anything really? Or is alcohol a bigger problem in our lives than the things we try to drink to solve?
I was with a new group of friends recently, and the topic of drinking came up. It usually does at some point, right? In almost every social situation.
So the topic of drinking came up, and I mentioned that I don’t drink. I don’t remember how I phrased it. I have learned to never call myself an alcoholic because I find the assumptions that go along with that word offensive. Offensive because “alcoholic” is a word that protects everyone else at the table from actually asking and understanding WHY you don’t drink. Alcoholic is a lable that allows them to assume that you are that OTHER type of drinker- the type of drinker that is DIFFERENT from them – it allows them to judge you and make assumptions without understanding.
It allows them NOT to think or understand.
I said some such thing as “I stopped because I drank too much”- something vague enough to allow the conversation on to “drink or not to drink” to stop there.
But then, of course,
someone said
“Oh, so you drank during the day”?
AURGH
That kinda pissed me off a bit because it is just such a silly thing to say, but to people who are not in any sort of sophisticated conversation about “the hows and whys of living alcohol-free”, that is one of THE ASSUMPTIONS.
They assume that someone like me who does not drink because they “drank too much” is an “alcoholic”, which means that they drank during the day – likely all day.
Not just a “drinks at lunch thing” or a “mimosas with brunch thing” or an “I’m on vacation so why not start the day with a Bloody Mary thing” … a “day drinking“.
So I said no, I was not a day drinker.
I drank a lot at night
I drank fast
And it wasn’t healthy for me or my kids, or my marriage, so I don’t drink now.
And you could see the wheels turning in everyone’s brain. They said some more things based on assumptions. Statements about what they think they know about “alcoholism”, not questions addressed to me about me. And so I let the topic fall away.
I find that conversation so pointless. They did not really want to know the intimate details that I also was not interested in telling. They wanted me to know that they understood, without actually understanding, because they could not possibly. Why I chose to stop drinking and live alcohol-free in a very wet world is personal. It is not the “one-size-fits-all” sort of thing that people find comfort in assuming it is.
What I have learned, since I stopped drinking myself away, is that my own assumptions about “alcoholism”, used to keep me trapped. Facing the truth about my alcohol consumption was painful. Facing the truth about my life was HARD! Most people can’t or wont. So we drink to bury our truths. We drink to wish it away. We literally drink ourselves away.
I was there. It’s hard looking back. Some days it hits me like a ton of bricks. I wasted a lot of time looking for answers that would never appear. Covering up the pain of my choices. Trying hard to escape the truth of what needed to change.
The simple truth that what needed to change was the drink in my glass.
I love this article, “What Will Life Look Like If I Stop Drinking Today?“, because it reminds me of my starting-out days, when the “who am I kidding?” rhetoric is loud and incessant.
“You can’t change this. Just admit you are an alcoholic. Your Mom was. Your Grandma was. It is what you are.”
That article reminds me of the amount of ANGER at alcohol that it took me to break that cycle. The amount of anger it took to admit that YES, I drank too much, is incredible. I was not “Out of Control” when I drank, BUT drinking was CONTROLLING ME, quietly and with intention.
The control that alcohol had over me? I see that same control that alcohol had over me, over my friends and family. I sadly shake my head at social media posts of their photos where alcohol is the feature. My friend posts a photo of a beautiful beach, but the camera’s focus is on the beer can in front of her. I see the jubilant smiles at a wedding reception, but they are all cheering with champagne in hand. My friend posts her glorious marathon accomplishment, but you guessed it – the athletes are all raising beer bottles as if this alcohol had some input into their hard work and dedication to complete this monumental feat? Lastly, my sister just posted a photo of a frickin Bloody Mary and commented that it was her REWARD after giving birth to two BEAUTIFUL BABY girls 2 months ago! What????
Does she see the sadness and tragedy in her statement?
Oh wait .. I remember celebrating the birth of my daughter 25 years ago much the same way. I had NO IDEA that the beauty of life is diminished when it is seen through the prism of alcohol. In my mind at the time, alcohol was the eternal amplifier of everything good.
It took me decades of struggling with drinking too much to see the truth.
Until people see their own truth, there is nothing I can do. I can’t preach. Vocalizing my disdain for this alcohol trap will fracture any relationship. They will confuse my criticism of alcohol as criticism of them, because, like me, alcohol has distorted their truth. So, as some religious people say, “love the sinner, hate the sin” (or something like that), I intentionally love the drinker, hate the drink. Both sound easy until I do it.
If you are struggling today, do not be mad at yourself! Say FU Alcohol!!!
How you got yourself into this awful trap does not matter. What matters is that for today, you chose, no drinking.
Decide right now that there will be no drinking today.
With the decision made, that cloak of uncertainty is dropped off our shoulders, and we can stand taller. No drinking. Period.
When the whispers of “self-discipline”, “moderation “, and “mindful drinking” try to swirl around and provoke us into breaking the morning promise, swat those thoughts down. Don’t give them any traction.
Grab some tips and tools here:
It’s NEVER too late to Quit Drinking
Survival Guide to Your First Days Sober
What you NEED to Know to Stay Sober
F U alcohol. Today belongs to me. Today will be beautiful and maybe messy, but it belongs to me. There is so much beauty in no longer having to accept the lies I told myself. Sobriety is my new superpower.
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