I still vividly remember the moment I said GOODBYE to Alcohol.
As I poured that evenings first drink I knew I’d drink until I could drink no more, it was practically neat vodka that looked like week tea as it only had a tiny bit of coke in it. This had become my daily ritual. I didn’t even want to drink any more I needed to. And that fear of knowing you have lost control is so overwhelming. And you are the only person who truly knows how bad it is, and it’s only you that can get you out of it.
I was sitting in the kitchen on my own, other half had gone to bed, and I was crying and hating that drink in that bottle but loving it also. I remember seeing my reflection in the mirror and it stopping me in my tracks. And I really looked and I didn’t know this person looking back at me. Where had she gone. What the fuck had happened to her. How had I let this happen. And I told her in the mirror so calmly, that this
All alcohol was poured away, and to this day I’ve not had a drink.
Maybe I’d hit my bottom.
Maybe it was just my time.
But I’m so thankful every single day that I don’t drink
You just dont realise how much time you spent on thinking about drinking.
The how much.
The will I run out.
Is my drunkenness showing…
what have I done and said…
did I get away with it.
So you say goodbye to alcohol. You stop. And all of a sudden you have just 1 thing that you can’t do. Don’t touch alcohol.
At first it’s so hard it’s like, ok my life revolved around you, now what do I do?
What do I even like, every interest I had always revolved around drinking .
You seem to have so many hours to get through. You have to learn to do things so differently until they become your new habits.
At first I felt so vulnerable. And scared I’d not be strong enough to ride the waves. That I wouldn’t feel happiness without that glass in my hand.
But what Ive learned so far is that I can still do family occasions without alcohol, I can go to restaurants without alcohol. And although these things still feel strange, I know they will become the new normal. I love the peace of mind that staying sober has brought me. I rarely think about drinking anymore, only at first times of doing a big thing, but I’ve realised it’s not the drink I will miss, it’s the worry that I won’t find the said activity as enjoyable and I don’t know why I worry cause things always turn out fine, and so far I’ve have had a great time!
Here I am living life AF (alcohol-free) ODAAT (one day at a time). Cause that’s all anyone can do, can’t go back and tomorrow isn’t promised. We can kick ourselves all the time for things we did or didn’t do, but as I’m finding out we can’t change a thing. But we can learn from the past and part of moving forward has to be forgiving yourself. I’m on my count down now to a year alcohol-free and have less than 100 days to go. Back when I started stopping drinking I couldn’t string a week together, so this journey is still a really lovely awakening.
Be free ❤️
9 months sober
More from this author :
If you’re “sober curious” … If you are drinking too much too often and want to stop or take a break… Talk to Us.
more reading from our community :
We are an independent, anonymous and private community who share resources, support and talk it through every day. It helps to have a community behind you in a world where alcohol is the only addictive drug that people will question you for NOT using
community support 24-7 or sign up and sign in here
Don’t let the shame of the stigma keep you from saying
“I think I have a problem with drinking”