-this is not a “touchy-feely” post.
I sometimes get tired of reading about alcohol.
I sometimes get tired of reading the excuses given for ‘giving in’ and drinking again.
It’s a crossing over I think. After years of talking about getting sober and staying sober, and supporting and trying to inspire, you talk about the life you lived and you can’t believe it. You shake your head in disbelief that you lived your life like that.
Chained to alcohol.
Controlled by alcohol.
What a powerful drug.
And now after so many years, you’re somewhere out the other side.
You are starting to not recognise who you were before when you drank alcohol because you haven’t for so long and now you’re someone else.
The years passing are becoming longer and longer and you are growing further and further from the reasoning people give to keep drinking alcohol when they know deep down that they shouldn’t be.
You read these reasons to keep drinking and they may ask you
How did you do it?
What have you done?
What do they do?
And one day you find you are silently mouthing at them :
“If you have decided that you cannot moderate, do not have a healthy relationship with alcohol and need to give up alcohol completely –
YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT I DID.
YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP ALCOHOL.
“You have to go through the process. Not drink alcohol whatever happens with no excuses and learn to live like that.”
You think I found it easy?
If you do think that it would be a cruel joke.
I was you! I was where you are! ….. and now I’m not.
If you think I had it any easier than you if you gave up – then you couldn’t be more wrong.
I had to go through what you have to go through. And it was very hard so please don’t ever suggest to me that it wasn’t. That I had some magic trait, some magic trick, that I’m lucky I have a different personality to yours, or I haven’t been through what you’ve been through, what your life is like.
It was fcuking hard
At the time it broke my heart to give up alcohol.
But now it all seems so naive to have held on to a drug so negative to my health and mental wellbeing.
You read excuses from someone who clearly needs to stop drinking alcohol as to why they give in and drink it again.
The same excuses that I gave too.
Looking for an easy way out.
I was naive to keep drinking it when I knew its effects were so obviously negative to me and I knew without doubt that its effects were wrecking my life and the lives of those around me.
I don’t use the term naive without thought.
The act of continuing to drink alcohol was clearly shown in my lack of experience of a life lived without alcohol. Unless I gave up alcohol and understood what that meant I would continue to be naive for the rest of my life. How could I ever learn wisdom or give judgement of how my life could be without alcohol unless I lived that life?
You want what I have right now? This minute? Well you can’t have that. You will never have that. Not unless you give up alcohol and stick to it and then look back on how far you’ve come months and years later.
The truth is that YOU have to do the hard work
– just like I had to.
#Totally commit to living through the ups and downs of life and live through them without touching a drop of alcohol
– so one day you find that you don’t want or need to drink alcohol to get through your life.
#Be prepared to be very sad about letting alcohol go and live through that without touching a drop of alcohol
-so one day you realise you are truly happy you let it go.
#Be very scared of letting alcohol go and live through that without touching a drop of alcohol
– so one day you find that you are not scared anymore.
Like I said at the beginning – sorry this is not a touchy feely post.
But it IS the truth
Dave puts out these 6 principals to create the change you want by changing the way you think – we’ve added links to posts that offer some perspective on how these principals correspond with staying sober.
1. Beliefs are models. What does it mean to be an Alcoholic?
2. Beliefs are created. Write Your Own Narrative
3. Beliefs create a shared world. How Do You Stay Sober When Your Friends Encourage You to Drink?
4. Beliefs create blind spots. From Sober Curious to Sober Courageous
5. Beliefs defend themselves. Sobriety is a Dirty Word
6. Beliefs are tied to identity. Changing my Alcoholic Mindset
You don’t have to accept what other people believe and You don’t have to believe a hypothesis in order to test it. Fake it till you make it! Act as if it’s true. In my first month sober I heard it said that sobriety offers everything that alcohol promised, and from five years sober I can tell you that it’s true!
We are an independent, anonymous and private community who share resources, support and talk it through every day. It helps to have a community behind you in a world where alcohol is the only addictive drug that people will question you for NOT using