No Bad Parts – Foreword & Introduction

Welcome to our Book Club group discussion of of “No Bad Parts” by Richard C. Schwartz. My post last week shared a video introducing the concept of Schwartz’ Internal Family Systems Model which you can also find here , and Wingy shared a couple of other posts where we have discussed the importance and relevance of this concept. Please check out those posts if you are unfamiliar with the concept! 

Typically, I would not spend much time on the Foreword of a book. I am one of those people who tends to skip past all of the intro stuff, but the name Alanis Morissette grabbed all of my attention. This name may not mean much to you, but as one of our Boom/Book Club goals is to get to know each other better, humor me for a minute. 

Alanis Morrissette’s album “Jagged Little Pill” was the first CD I ever bought. I was 16, and she was a hero to me. She earned a reputation for being “angry,” and her song “You Oughta Know” is one I still blast when I want to rage, but she wasn’t just angry. She was also funny (see “Ironic”) and smart (“You Learn”). And she had “parts” (“Hand in My Pocket”). I knew every lyric to every song on that album, so when I opened up this book, I was definitely curious to see what she has been up to these past 30 years.

I enjoyed her overview and honesty. Especially as she revealed her inner world’s two sides. The “dark”  or “bad” parts – “murderous rage, shame, terrors, depression, aches and yearnings, humiliations, and grief.” And then the “light” or “good” parts – “visionary, generous, intelligent, leadership, gifted, sensitive, empathic.” Interestingly, and I can only speak from the female perspective, so guys, please share if you agree, I think it is just as hard for us to identify these “good” parts as it is the “bad” parts. Even as I typed these, I could hear a little voice inside of me saying, “Wow, Alanis, brag much?” EWWWW! But, that’s why we are here, right, to listen to that “part” and see why I have an EWW reaction to a hero of mine speak highly of herself.

I also liked how she identified that the Self (the Inner Self, the “true” us) that she has been able to connect with through this work is what she identifies as her soul. I have shared this before, but it is my belief that my Self (or my soul) is the little voice I heard that really prompted me to quit drinking over 5 years ago. Since then, I have heard it a few other times, and that is why I want to work through this IFS concept here, to continue to hear and interact with this part of me.

After this little forward, I did some internet research on Alanis. I found a few interviews where she talks about her addictive personality, and even a couple where she talks about her relationship with drinking. She identifies drinking as a “secondary addiction” for her, which she shares in the song “Reasons I Drink.” Wow. I had no idea this song existed, but I am so glad I discovered it. We can see her different “parts” in the video and hear her honesty and vulnerability in the lyrics. What about you, what are the reasons you drink? What “parts” of you are afraid to quit?

Dr. Schwartz opens his Introduction talking about the “life-jarring event” that typically prompts a person to seek out therapy. This is definitely true for me. I had a “successful” life up until the spring of 2017. Within 30 days, I was publicly caught having an affair with a colleague which ended two marriages, I was arrested and found to have marijuana in my possession, and as a result of both of those things, I was put on a permanent leave of absence from my cherished career as a teacher. After I began therapy, I kept drinking for a couple of years. I was convinced that my problems were due to bad luck or shitty circumstances. But, as Schwartz said, it was that event that allowed me to begin to explore what else was inside of me. It was with an online therapist that I finally typed the words, I think I need to stop drinking. If you are here on BOOM, it is likely you have faced a “life-jarring event.” If you are so inclined to share, what was it, and was it a “wake-up call event”?

The Introduction also identifies our goal here – “to access the Self – an essence of calm, clarity, compassion, and connectedness – and from that place begin to listen to the parts of them that had been exiled by more dominant ones.” So, in one sentence, that is what our next 12 weeks will be about. Who’s with me???

“At this point, there might be a part of you that’s skeptical.” Yep, that’s me. I can hear my inner critic saying, “What a load of crap!” But, isn’t it ironic? 🙂 A part of me is telling me that doing work to quiet down the more dominant parts so I can hear the ones who have been overpowered is a load of crap. So, what Schwartz asks is what I am willing to commit. “All I ask is that your skeptic give you enough space inside to try these ideas on for a little while, including trying some of the exercises so you can check it out for yourself.”

So, let’s let this sink in for a week, maybe watch Alanis’ video, think about reasons and parts of you that drink or drank, think about “life-jarring events” and please – if you’ve made it this far, share some of your thoughts here with us. It doesn’t matter whether you plan to read along or not!

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