I was afraid that I was destroying my health.
I was afraid that the whites of my eyes were turning yellow
I was afraid that I was an alcoholic
I was afraid that I couldn’t stop drinking
I was afraid of Sobriety
Afraid I’d be dull
Afraid I’d lose my friends
Afraid I couldn’t do it
Afraid that if I stopped drinking , every one would know my secret.
But when I stopped
One day at a time I began to lose that fear.
I began to KNOW that I could hold on.
I began to trust myself.
I began to think for myself and write what I was thinking and read it and LEARN from myself.
I stopped Buying a lifestyle that was Killing my soul.
I stopped making excuses for behavior I despised.
I worked hard to hold onto my freedom and now I revel in that Freedom every day because Sober I OWN MYSELF!
I remember feeling that my bottle of wine was like a friend.
A calm harbor at the end of the day.
A lover who understood me and would sooth me.
I remember the feeling of loss when I left my friend behind.
The mourning for my lover.
I remember it being so hard to imagine NEVER DRINKING AGAIN.
I remember that very clearly even after two and a half years happily sober and I KNOW if I drink again I’ll be back to that place in a flash.
That is the addiction speaking.
The addiction will always be there.
But as long as I work my program a bit every day ; write, read, listen, respond, feel, think, grow…
As long as I continue to feed my soul with pride and dignity I will never give in to the desire to drown my spirit again.
It took me six long years to discover that the answer was inside of me but the day I started blogging in a community was the last day I drank.
If you’re drinking too much a too often talk to us.