The Subtle Difference Between Should and Must

Change

I thought too many times that I should stop drinking or at least I should cut down on my drinking. In the morning I told myself something should change. Even as I gave myself my gift of my wine after a hard day I would promise myself that tomorrow something should change. Oh I wanted something to change. Be sure of that. I knew something should change.

When I woke up anxious, sweating and disorientated at 3am.
When I couldn’t go back to sleep.
When my thoughts told me I was a waste of space.
When I dragged my leaden body to the shower in the morning.
When I stared at my puffy face and saw ‘black under the eyes’ in the mirror.

I knew something should change.

When I fretted over all the things my unloosened mouth may or may not have said.
When I flounced to bed after another stupid argument.
When I couldn’t remember….
When I pretended I could remember and tried to piece whatever fragments of the previous nights conversation I could.
When I worried I’d embarrassed myself.
When I’d talked on the phone or text…

I knew something should change.

When I watched the drinks being poured and made sure I got my fair share – angry if my glass was a millimetre lower than yours.
When I couldn’t understand how people could drink so slow.
When my glass was clearly empty and no one was refilling theirs or mine.
When I hid the bottle deep into the bin.

I knew something should change.

When I hated my life.
When I hated my thoughts and feelings.
When I hated myself…..

I knew something should change.

Should should should.
I should all over the place…..
I should all over my life.

But my life didn’t change……
Even though I knew it should.

Until the day I changed the word should to must.
Must.


Such a subtle change.

Must stay AF whatever happens in my life.
Must accept that no one else can make this change for me.
Must accept that I – and I alone – can change it.
Must begin the process of change.
Must do what is necessary to change my life.
Must accept that I am the source for the change.
Must make this change last.
Must believe that I can change all this.
Must do this for me.
Must do this because it’s time.
Must do this because it’s what I want.

I finally accepted without doubt that something MUST change.

If you’re “sober curious” … If you are drinking too much too often and want to stop or take a break…or if you have stopped drinking and are trying to stick to sober! Talk to Us. 

We are an independent, anonymous and private community who share resources, support and talk it through every day. It helps to have a community behind you in a world where alcohol is the only addictive drug that people will question you for NOT using

You can read more about us Here And join  Here

Download the Mighty Networks app herfor free easy access and search BOOM Rethink the Drink– community support 24-7 or sign up and sign in here


One response to “The Subtle Difference Between Should and Must”

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Donation

%d bloggers like this: