Hey you, ya; me,
Hello gorgeous. I see your brain is going places you’d rather not have it go; that’s okay. Take a deep breath. What you are thinking are just thoughts, most likely brought on by emotions. Just do the next right thing.
Frustrated at the kids? Feel like you’re losing control? Are you wanting to lose control? Finally, done with a long stretch at work? Maybe your favorite patient died, maybe the morning nurse disrespected you. Maybe you feel like you just want to desensitize, to float into oblivion where you don’t need to be anxious, annoyed, irritated. You don’t need to feel guilt about acting like your own mother did. Maybe it’s the weekend and man, you just want to party! Maybe you miss getting wasted and laughing into oblivion with your husband; feeling sexy, wild and 21 again.
It’s okay to feel all of these things. It’s okay to want to be alone; to shut down for a while. It’s okay to be irritated and annoyed even if you feel like it’s not.
You are human. You don’t need to be perfect. And god damn it, you don’t need a reason to hate yourself. Tomorrow morning you don’t need to wake up with anxiety, shame, and hate towards yourself. You don’t need to have the next 2-3 days be anxiety-ridden, taking your meds to try and shut the world out and shut down your brain from all the self-hate. The booze is making you feel that way, it’s not the way you feel normally.
You always knew you had a problem with alcohol, from the very start. You’ve done huge, amazing things with your life and survived catastrophic life events all at a very young age. Booze never helped. Booze didn’t earn your honors in nursing school while working nights and taking care of 3 kids. Booze didn’t help you get through losing your father and brother in a positive way.
Booze is a couple of hours (maybe) of numb. Of “deep” conversations you’ll be too embarrassed to ever bring up again. Booze may make you feel 21 and dance around topless but in the morning you’re 34 with three kids, a pounding headache, and an embarrassing memory of the night before.
You are enough. You’ve always been enough.
So today, just put the thought of wanting to drink on pause. Don’t take action. Wait until tomorrow. Whatever you’re after, find a way to do that thing in a different way. Just do the next right thing-
Last night you had 1 bottle of wine and a mixed drink. You were pretty much drunk after 2 glasses of wine but kept going (per the usual). You fell asleep on the couch and woke up at 3 am; mouth dry, fast heart rate, sweaty. You took your anti-anxiety meds knowing you wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep without them. You had to take more meds just a few hours later. You made your husband experience the first virtual day of school with your preschooler so you could pass out in bed, then when you woke up you immediately brought him to grandma and grandpa so you could hate yourself in privacy, shove your face, take sleeping pills and sleep until work.
This is not you. This is not the parent your children need. This is not how you want to show up for life. You ARE enough- Just do the next right thing-
Remember at the cabin, waking up early before everyone else and watching the sun with a cup of coffee? Turning on oldies, dancing in the kitchen making breakfast for everyone? Jumping in the cold lake while your kids watched in awe at how cool mom is? Zip lining and enjoying vacation in punta Cana? Road tripping to Colorado with your family? Going to see flogging Molly in Arizona and enjoying st Patrick’s day? You did all that …. without a drop of booze. Alcohol-Free!
I’m not asking you to think about the rest of your life as it relates to alcohol. I’m asking you, for today …. to chose the next right thing. Give yourself the gift of waking up you tomorrow instead of that other person; the person you’ve grown to hate.
You only have so much time here, wasting it on hangovers and self-hatred is truly a disappointment.
You’re Awesome, smart, sexy and a great wife and mom. Don’t change a thing . Don’t pour poison on a blooming flower .
Ps – as you crawl into bed sober tonight and pull those crisp sheets up around you and snuggle with the fuggler, smile . Isn’t that just the best feeling ?
I love you and you love you too
I can do this and I know I can.
I can feel it inside myself.
I deserve to be happy
I deserve to feel good
I deserve to reach for the me I want to be
I deserve to be free of this crutch
I deserve to feel however I feel in the moment without guilt or shame
I deserve to put me first
I deserve to have my voice heard
I love myself, I love myself, I love myself.
You are enough. You always been enough.
Just do the next right thing.
If you’re “sober curious” … If you are drinking too much too often and want to stop or take a break…or if you have stopped drinking and are trying to stick to sober! Talk to Us. Start with 30 days. Try a Dry July, Sober October, or New Year’s Dry January Challenge.
We are an independent, anonymous and private community who share resources, support and talk it through every day. It helps to have a community behind you in a world where alcohol is the only addictive drug that people will question you for NOT using
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Don’t let the shame of the stigma keep you from saying
“I think I have a problem with drinking”
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