Emotions make life worthwhile. Sadness, love, disappointment, compassion, anger, gratitude, embarrassment, and optimism are just a few of the many emotions that give life dimension. These feelings, alongside our thinking abilities, are what makes us human and makes life interesting. But I used to drink away my negative feelings and in the process drank myself away from everything good as well. Sitting with my emotions in early sobriety was sometimes overwhelming.

Accepting all of my emotions was a critical piece of freeing myself from the claws of alcohol. On my last day one I had to accept that I might be afraid but that sitting with that fear, not drinking it away, was the only way out. I felt fear, self-doubt, hope, regret, and love mixed together in a jumble of anxiety. The better I understood my emotions, the better I was in touch with these feelings, the easier it was to control my cravings and stay alcohol-free. 

When people stop drinking they often complain that they are not happy. These are some things that are important to consider when you first go sober and stop drinking away your feelings.

1. Positive emotions are all about perspective. It’s about seeing the beauty of the sunset, rather than the coming darkness.

2. We were meant to feel joy and happiness. Positive feelings are what keeps us healthy and functioning. It drives us to survive and to live life.

3. Our mind is our own. Don’t buy into every negative thing you hear or read. There’s always another side or two, to every story.

4.  Feeling happy, or any other emotion is our own responsibility and no one else’s. Listen to your thoughts. Do you have many negative thoughts?  If so, revise the negative ones if possible. If someone has hurt us, said something mean or rude, negative thoughts will only hurt us more. Usually, I think, “I wish them the best and I’m glad they’re out of my life now” or “I forgive them. They are probably having a bad day.” Don’t forget that forgiveness is more for our own benefit rather than the person we are forgiving. This is all easier said than done for me, but I practice a lot. Usually when I drive.

5. Stop comparing yourself. We are all great at some things, and not so great at others. It’s one of the reasons we have friends, family and community. We can use each other’s assistance … the more, the merrier. Literally. 

6.  Don’t expect to be smiling and laughing twenty-four hours a day. Happy is great, but we need to sleep SOME time. We also will want to make room for other feelings!

I understand there is an overall State-of-Well-Being often referred to as “Happy” and that is a great state to be in, but don’t confuse it with the emotion of “happy.”

7. SMILE! Smiling will make you feel happy. In fact, certain molecules that fight stress are released when you smile. Soon after, those are followed by dopamine, serotonin and endorphins. Put on a smile. It couldn’t hurt to try.

8. Don’t look for happiness. That feeling lies within you not outside.

9. Emotions are fleeting. If you feel miserable and sad and heartbroken, there is a very good chance that emotion will change in just minutes. Making a decision to drink based on a momentary feeling happens far too often. And most of the time, that painful emotion would have quickly gone away on its own without the alcohol.

10. Anhedonia is an important condition to understand. If you are in early sobriety please do some reading on the subject so that you can recognize it’s symptoms.

When I did quit drinking, feeling the feelings that I drank away for so long was the hardest part. It was the hardest part but, that pride, that trust in myself that came from sitting with those feelings, paved the path for me to get thru it more easily each time. Feeling my feelings paved my way back to myself and away from alcohol.