Today, I am almost one full year sober. Over 300 days ago, I quit drinking in an intentional way for the first time! Quitting drinking in the past was a “time out”, or a hard reset, which I would put myself on only when I got out of control or filled with regret. Then I would reward myself after “x” amount days without alcohol, by starting the drink-drunk-regret cycle all over again. Until a bit over 300 days ago, I had been limping along in denial and justifying my dangerous drinking for over 20 years
When I cut the alcohol cord back in July of 2024, emotions coursed through me, and I stumbled awkwardly, limbs heavy. I felt like Pinocchio: “I’m real. I’m a real boy!” (Girl!) I questioned my quitting. I doubted it would do that much for me. I’d stopped drinking in the past for a short time and had no significant changes. I did my time sober, much like a prison sentence, and was waiting for the doors to unlock to have another drink.
Maybe I wasn’t ready to quit, I thought. I had enjoyed drinking so much. But happy hour eventually turned into depressing binges. It got to the point when I couldn’t even feel the effects of alcohol when I had food in me, and would be frustrated, drinking until late in the night, waiting to pass out.
300 and a few days ago, I had five vodkas with soda and a splash of cranberry and felt sober. I probably wasn’t, but it was almost midnight and I said to myself, “Fuck it, I’ll go to bed with no buzz.” I had signed up for a Dry July challenge a few days prior on a sober app. I figured I could do 30 days and get motivated to get back into shape.
I had never before been a part of a community, used an app of any sort, had therapy, or attended AA. This time was different.
I found Boom on Reddit and decided to make a post on July 1st, day 1, with my mom’s urn sitting next to me. I had just received it from the funeral home that day. I didn’t like the urn, probably because it wasn’t her. I asked if they had anything else; it didn’t sit well with me. I was sitting next to her with the death certificate in hand. I was numb.
She died of Cirrhosis from alcohol.
After my mom passed away and we were sorting through her belongings in our home, we found her 24-hour medallion from rehab. We didn’t realize she had one, but it makes sense. She kept it next to her bed in her nightstand. She never received her one-month medallion because she was hospitalized by then, and everything spiraled out of control and went downhill. So many arguments, tears, messes, but great times too. She just couldn’t stop drinking until it was too late. Happy hour turned into happy days.
I really miss my mom, we lived together (I’m in my 40’s) and were very close despite everything. I wish I could bring her back. Nothing prepares you for the feeling of a loved one’s lack of presence.. she’s gone. Forever…
Alcohol killed her, I will not let it happen to me.
I was numb for decades, and when I cut the alcohol cord, I experienced such a wide range of emotions sandwiched between grief. I thought I was too far gone, too jaded, and had drunk way too much for too long. I broke capillaries from sobbing and questioned my sanity. The release didn’t always come immediately, but I began to feel lighter physically and emotionally. I stored years of negativity, and it was weighing me down.
I read inspirational success stories on Boom, and it gave me hope, but I never in my wildest dreams assumed that I could appreciate a flower, a sunrise, or a sunset and feel pure joy.
Guess what? I was wrong!
I started healing, and glimmers began to follow.
I still have a long way to go, but feeling those feelings was the most empowering aspect of my healing. I used to take pride in my strength and stoic ways, but that illusion of strength and stoicism ultimately proved to be my biggest weakness.
As a parent of a 13-year-old, I’ve been reflecting on substance use lately. I never experimented with hard drugs because a bad experience with pot at 13 scared me straight.
Somehow, alcohol seemed like a safe bet. Boy was I wrong.
Now I watch my own teen navigating a world where local breweries are celebrated and dispensaries market cannabis as a harmless “natural” product. The normalization of these substances masks their dangers. Our kids need accurate information about how alcohol and pot can impact their developing brains and futures. I’m committed to having these difficult conversations, even when it feels like swimming against the cultural current.
I’ve been thinking about that during this past month. April is Alcohol Awareness month, a vital initiative since the 1980s. Wouldn’t it be great if every school kid learned of AAA as an anacronym for April Alcohol Awareness? Most of us know AAA as our roadside savior when our car breaks down. But there’s another AAA worth knowing about: April Alcohol Awareness month,
When Life’s Road Gets Bumpy
Imagine alcohol as a hazardous detour on your life’s journey:
A Minor Swerve: You skip your morning workout. That important project gets delayed. Productivity diminishes as procrastination takes the wheel.
Crossing the Line: Sleep becomes disrupted by midnight thirst. Morning arrives with a pounding head and a fog of regret. Anxiety whispers that something’s wrong.
Hitting the Ditch: You find yourself disoriented, assessing the damage. “How did I get here?” becomes your frightening reality as you face consequences you never intended.
The Collision: Real damage occurs – to your health, relationships, career, or worse – to innocent bystanders in your life.
Choose Your AAA Wisely
Life will always have potholes. The question is: will you need emergency roadside assistance to recover from poor choices, or will you navigate with awareness and purpose?
Let’s be aware. Let’s stay aware. For ourselves and for our children.
In Boom we are about to follow Alcohol Awareness April, with a Myth Busting May. Come join us!
Read more from other Members of our Boom Rethink the Drink Community:
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