When people quit drinking they often fear that there will be days they just can’t stay sober.

When you give up alcohol, staying sober on days you’ve always learned to think of drinking as an essential part of, your first alcohol-free Birthday, Christmas, Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, Funeral, Vacation, Cruise, Wedding … etc…can feel like magic is required. If you could just start with this idea in your head – Shake off the Myths of Everything Alcohol Can Do For You – Be a Unicorn! ( open that link for inspiration) it should be easy to stay sober. But I found that a bit of magic was indeed required for me to stay sober, and I found that magic here , here and in this community.

This time 6 years ago, I was in deep denial about my drinking problem. I had resigned myself to the fact that drinking was me, part of me, woven into the fabric of me, and my lot in life.

Never did I even consider quitting…I always joked…

“I’m not a quitter!”

But inside, I was slowly dying. I was in a very dark place. If you had told me six years ago that this is where I would be today, I would have belly laughed in your face. And here I am, celebrating my 5^th alcohol-free birthday.

But that 1st Sober Birthday I almost did not make it.

My first sober birthday, I was 50 days alcohol-free. It was a Friday at the end of a crazy, busy week at work. It was a very tough day for me, and I remember it like it was yesterday. The noise in my head was SO LOUD.

My addict brain was yammering on about how today was the PERFECT day to drink, look at all the things that were going on…and after all

“It’s your birthday and it’s FRIDAY!!!”

It exclaimed, over and over again….

By then, I had been a member of an online community, Boom , since my day 1. For 50 days I had felt the compassion of the community and the wisdom they offered. The comfort I felt in this virtual family was surprising.

But that day specifically, I remember clearly being in our last patient’s room and looking at my boss who was in there with me (he was the one who I first admitted my drinking problem to, so our connection was special in a Nurse-to-nurse, director-to-employee, friend-to-friend way) and I said to him…

“I really want to drink, the noise in my head is so loud.”

I started to cry and took myself into the break room for a time out. I posted in BOOM, and the support was instant and perfect. This community that had been with me since my last day 1, reminded me about how far I had come. They understood what was happening and told me it was ok to feel these things. They said that I did the right thing by reaching out, and then said…

“just don’t drink”

It was the end of my work day, I was exhausted…but I felt better…whew!!

But then that VOICE in my Head returned and my husband added his two cents.

It was nearing the end Covid, and restrictions were lightening. Restaurants were starting to open back up. My addict brain perked up to reminded me that it was a perfect day to go out to dinner and celebrate with some drinks!!! As soon as I hit the door at home, my husband said, “Let’s go to dinner for your birthday!!” And of course my addict brain agreed wholeheartedly!!

I was so torn.

My husband was my number one trigger. He was hardly supportive in my sobriety journey because he didn’t think I had “that bad” of a drinking problem. As he saw it all I needed to do was not drink so much…sigh. He had no idea how much I had been drinking, but that’s a story all of it’s own.

I was so used to just bending to his every whim and desire that it was hard to stand up to him. And after all the noise in my head all day, then all the noise from him once I got home…I really just wanted to crawl in a hole and disappear…But finally, he asked me “well what do you want to do?” I said, I just wanted to get heart shaped pizzas from a local pizza place (they have them every year for Valentine’s day) and stay home and go to bed early…he finally conceded.

So, I made it! I made it through my first Sober birthday.

I never would have been able to do it without the support and wisdom of this community. I learned how to say “no” to my addict brain, and say “no” to my husband, and reach out when I was struggling, and to always know that I’m never alone. Thank you BOOM and each and every one of you in this community!! I would not be here today if it wasn’t for the things I have learned here and the support you all offer.

And if you’re struggling today, come hang out with us here in BOOM, reach out, you are not alone, don’t’ listen to that VOICE!!! Take alcohol off the table, make it non-negotiable, you can do this!!

Peace to your hearts, friends!! I’m here to say it was all so very worth it! So, let’s celebrate being AF today, whether you’re on day 1, 10, 100 or 1000 or more! 🎉🎉🎉💪👍💥😎💜👏👏👏👏