When I was Drinking I was Afraid

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I was afraid that I was destroying my health.

I was afraid that the whites of my eyes were turning yellow

I was afraid that I was an alcoholic

I was afraid that I couldn’t stop

I was afraid of Sobriety

Afraid I’d be dull

Afraid I’d lose my friends

Afraid I couldn’t do it

Afraid that if I stopped , every one would know my secret.

But when I stopped

One day at a time I began to lose that fear.

I began to KNOW that I could hold on.

I began to trust myself.

I began to think for myself and write what I was thinking and read it and LEARN from myself.

I stopped Buying a lifestyle that was Killing my soul.

I stopped making excuses for behavior I despised.

I worked hard to hold onto my freedom and now I revel in that Freedom every day because Sober I OWN MYSELF!

I remember feeling that my bottle of wine was like a friend.

A calm harbor at the end of the day.

A lover who understood me and would sooth me.

I remember the feeling of loss when I left my friend behind.

The mourning for my lover.

I remember it being so hard to imagine NEVER DRINKING AGAIN.

I remember that very clearly even after two and a half years happily sober and I KNOW if I drink again I’ll be back to that place in a flash.

That is the addiction speaking.

The addiction will always be there.

But as long as I work my program a bit every day ; write, read, listen, respond, feel, think, grow…

As long as I continue to feed my soul with pride and dignity I will never give in to the desire to drown my spirit again.

It took me six long years to discover that the answer was inside of me but the day I started blogging in a community was the last day I drank.

If you’re drinking a too much a too often talk to us.


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