The Conversation in my Head

I hear a distant voice telling me I deserve a reward.

“You’ve done well” it says.

“Damn right!” I proudly proclaim.

“Feeling pretty good?” I hear it ask.

“You know it” I reply.

“You’re rather proud of yourself” the voice notes. And, yes I am. “You should be” it says.

I am enjoying my accomplishment, I admit to myself, feeling confident and a bit smug. Yesterday was a challenging day but I overcame that. I’ve begun to work on some personal issues that I wanted to address. Taken care of neglected chores. Mentally, I pat myself on the back.

“You deserve a treat” I hear, “You should celebrate”.

“I should” I think to myself, “I do deserve it”.

“A nice glass of wine or a whiskey would be a good way to mark the milestone” whispers the voice.

“I beg your pardon?” I ask.

“As part of a nice dinner of course. Like an appetizer. Just one.” The voice is quite convincing.

“No, I shouldn’t. I can’t” I say, standing my ground.

“You can” it replies “you’re much stronger now and confident. Just one, that’s all. It would be fun.”

Fun sounds good and I am a stronger person. Perhaps it’s not such a bad idea. I should celebrate.

“Of course you should” comes the encouragement. ”You deserve this and you can handle it.”

“Can I?” I wonder; then play the movie through………

I go out and shop for my dinner then stop at the liquor store. Of course you can’t buy just one glass of wine so I choose a bottle of red and head towards the checkout but then I pause and think, “That whiskey sounded pretty good and would make a good nightcap”. So I pick up a bottle of that as well and purchase my celebratory supplies.

At home, the whiskey meant as a nightcap becomes a pre-dinner drink. I stop after one, complimenting myself on my restraint then open the bottle of wine to have one glass with dinner. While dining, one glass becomes two and three and so on.

“That’s ok” I think. I was eating. No harm done. I settle in to watch a movie and remember the whiskey. I’m a bit tired, I realize, so maybe I should have my nightcap a bit early least I fall asleep before drinking it.

I wake up in the early hours of the morning. There are two empty bottles on my counter. I feel like shit.

In the distance I hear a voice, “Feeling bad?” it asks. “You deserve to feel better”.

Today I will not listen to the voice and I will not drink.

Will you join me.?

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When scared, feeling alone and peering into the darkness, don’t forget that you have a flashlight in your pocket.

This post is by Rob Morton , the self published author of Stuff I Wrote and a member of BOOMthe Independent, anonymous, private community inside Boozemusings .

Trees in fog, inspiration not to drink from Boozemusings Community Blog

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